The Thinking Other Woman

What you should know BEFORE your affair.
 

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What's currently happening in my life and what I think about all this now.

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I Fought For Him By Not Fighting For Him

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on March 26, 2021 at 12:25 AM

People often wonder how I could split from my family.


My brother has bawled me out over this more than once.


I get it, I totally get it. From their point of view, you only make a mentally ill mother worse by running out on her. And I can see that — I can.


But, at some point, you have to consider your own needs.


I really didn’t have a family at all.


I started to understand this when I got brave enough to explain my real feelings about a career I felt stuck in. A career my family, for some reason, had a lot of pride invested in being able to tell others I did.


When I finally came forward with my real feelings about it, they argued with me. “No, you really don’t feel that way. You always felt this way!” Um, no, I was always trying to bend and tweak my feelings to agree with you any way I could, because I knew if I told the truth, this is what I would get.


I would talk about the reality of work. “No, it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t!” How do you know? You watched a TV show about it. I’m the one actually living it!


Or, worst of all, I would get the time-honored, “You’re just lazy!” Hmm. This from a mother who never held a job, who couldn’t even drive or balance a checkbook until the age of thirty-five. Nice.


I didn’t decide to leave my family all at once. No, it took many months — a few years, I think — to realize I could leave all this behind, without a word of explanation, and not feel guilty.


Because these people don’t really love me.


People who act like this have a lot of strong feelings they identify as love, I get that. And they feel very needy for you to come back and keep on doing whatever it was they want you to come back and keep on doing.


Because of how it made them feel. About themselves, and about the family.


Because when what you do gives them these feelings they want, they love that.


They love that.


However, I realized over a long period of time, the act of loving that, is not at all the same as the act of loving me.


If my family had really loved me, they would have reacted to my distress quite differently.


When they saw me crying in church over it, a loving family would have said, “Hey, wait, stop. Maybe sit this semester out and come home and think about your major. We don’t want you to be miserable. We want you to be happy in your career, and to have a happy and fulfilling life. It doesn’t look as if you are headed in that direction if you are crying in church over it.”


Instead, I had to pretend and pretend and pretend and pretend to be whatever would make them proud.


I had to pretend to agree with my mother, whatever she had to say about which friend had treated her badly this week, which family member had talked about her behind her back, or that she didn’t feel she got recognized enough for her mission work in the church. I had to pretend enthusiasm when she wanted me to watch an Alex Jones tape three hours long.


I could never, ever, ever say what I really felt or thought. When I did, what an explosion!


And that was about the time she would say that I “had really changed.”


When she started blaming my new husband for that change, that was when I knew going no contact was no mistake.


My late husband was and is the best thing that ever happened to me. The fact that my mother could not see that spoke pretty loudly to me.


All she could see was that I no longer agreed with her all the time.


Years later, when my husband passed away, and I had a brief emotional affair with a married man who was taking the same role in his family, I remembered all of this. (Eventually. Thank heavens.)


I watched as his wife and adult children treated him a lot like this, too. At last, he had gotten enough courage up to say, “I am unhappy here at home.”


At last, he had gotten enough courage to say, “I am moving out.”


I’m sorry to say that my behavior in this situation wasn’t stellar, yet. We’d agreed not to see one another in person until he was divorced. But, once he’d moved out, we could at least talk on the phone.


I know now that people who are using other people take every advantage of those who are desperate for love, the way that people who are using other people take every advantage of poverty to underpay them.


I know because I was one of those people.


I would hear him say he wanted to get his own small house and I would argue with him. I would hear him say, “I’m tired,” and I would ignore him. I’m so sorry about that now.


I was so pumped up that this guy was choosing me over his wife that I wanted more of that. I was looking for more of those kinds of feelings.


I noticed how codependent he was … although, it took me a while to figure out that’s what it was. If he said one thing and I said another, he would swing right around to match me.


All I knew at the time was that something felt very wrong when he did that.


His emotionally cold wife finally got angry at him and blamed all the problems in the marriage on him. I knew good and well that marriage counseling was not likely to go smoothly, and that he’d be moving back into a house with someone a lot like my mother.


But, I also knew I couldn’t talk him out of it. This was something he’d have to find out for himself.


He said he needed to go back in and “fight it out with her.” And I respected that. Rather than running out on the marriage, he needed to go back and represent himself better within it, and take responsibility for anything detrimental he had done.


You’ve got to respect a guy like that.


But, I knew, I just knew, from everything he told me she’d said, that there was a colossal failure in the making.


Two and a half years went by.


My stomach would drop when happy-looking pictures went up on his Facebook feed. I was miserable without him.


What if I’d been wrong? If they got back together and their marriage was great, it’d be fantastic for them …


… but I’d feel like it was a tragedy for me.


My astrologer told me he’d be back, and she told me when he would be back. I started learning some astrology myself, and I could see another aspect that said the same thing. In class, my teacher and my more experienced classmates pulled several more aspects out of the charts that implied this would be the case.


It happened. It actually happened.


I was overjoyed. I had missed him and prayed he’d come back for so many, many months. Still, the month of October 2017 had drawn almost to a close. I had almost given up hope.


That jolt when you see The Message pop up on Facebook really does send icicles through your entire body.


I asked him to tell me all that had happened. It turned out the marriage counseling had gone exactly as I expected it would.


The guy asked to see me again. Only, I wasn’t really happy with how he did it.


He wanted to come back to the club we had met in just to see me and talk to me again. He was still unhappy, but he had decided to stay in the marriage.


His family had threatened to ostracize him if he left. He would miss his daughter too much. He would miss his grandchildren.


He said, “I made my bed, so now I have to lie in it.”


Here was my chance! I could have met him outside the club. I could have grabbed him by the throat and worked on him. Couldn’t he see that he’d made the wrong choice?


It was clear that all these people he didn’t want to lose, weren’t willing to hear or understand his pain. They cared more about how things looked to them than about how they really were, or how they felt to him.


If they loved him, didn’t they care about his feelings? Like everyone who hears about a marriage breakup, they cared more about his wife’s feelings than they did his, and they didn’t know the true story behind that marriage. (Some of that stuff isn’t fit for a daughter’s or an in-law’s ears.) But I knew it.


I also knew that no one was listening to him.


Sort of like I had neglected to do two and a half years ago.


Sort of the way my family hadn’t listened to me.


What he needed was to speak and be around people who could hear. What he needed was people who could listen to what he wanted.


And what he wanted was to stay married.


It didn’t matter what I thought of his reasons. It mattered that someone heard and respected what he wanted.


It didn’t matter that he said he still loved me and that he’d thought of me every day.


Well … it did matter, it mattered a lot. I’d loved him and thought of him every day, too. It just didn’t matter in a way that was relevant to the point.


The point that, if people really love you, they must respect your right to think for yourself.


Right or wrong, consequences or not, when this man said, “I want to stay married,” he was thinking for himself. It wasn’t my place to question his reasoning, arguing for a life I wanted for myself.


If I stepped in and questioned his reasoning, he would never question it for himself.


And the whole point is, If I love you, I accept your decisions for yourself, and I accept your feelings and your thinking behind them. Even if it makes me unhappy that I will not get what I want.


And this is something this dear, sweet man had never, ever had.


Well, I gave it to him.


I wanted to fight for him, I did. I never met anyone else. I still think it was possible for us to be happy, and I’m sorry we never got that chance.


But I fought for him in a much deeper way. He needed to believe his own wants, needs, and thoughts ought to be respected, and he didn’t.


He thought his family’s mattered more than his own, even when he wasn’t happy and wasn’t being treated well.


In doing what his family, and my family, could not do, I struck the one blow I could for his right to be himself.


And that meant more to me than sinking my teeth into his neck, never letting go, shouting over him for him to see things my way, wrenching him away from his family so I could have his company for myself.


I would have told myself, if I did that, that I was supporting his ability to be himself, but I wouldn’t have been. I would have been okay with him as long as he saw things my way.


People always assume the other woman is a horrible person. “Oh, that poor wife! Oh, that poor family!”


It isn’t that I didn’t think about the wife and family. It’s just that I prioritized his well-being over theirs. In this instance, that meant leaving him with them.


He was a highly suggestible person. I could have fought them all, and I could have won.


But in doing so, I would have destroyed him. Now, it would just be me thinking for him instead of them.


And that, I would not do.


And that’s what love is.


THE RESOURCES YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 23, 2021 at 12:10 AM

Since you’re here:


 

You should be aware that I’ve constructed an internal working model of Rory based on three sources: What you’ve told me about her behavior; psychology sources that information led me to on alexithymia, emotional numbness, attachment theory, and childhood emotional neglect; and (no surprise) her natal chart.


 

If I know the resources you need, but don’t share them because I’m being manipulative and I know withholding the information could ultimately benefit me … well, that’s not ethical.


 

I can’t make you pick these up. I can’t make you use them. But, I can’t withhold them, either.


 

SO, here they are:


 

Codependency recovery (YOU need these, and you ain’t NEVER comin’ back into MY life without them):


Lisa A. Romano, codependency life coach, and therapist Jerry Wise, Jerry Wise Relationship Systems. Lots of free videos on Youtube. Fucking use them before you DIE. It’s important. You don’t want to reach 81 without having made good use of materials like this. YOUR CHART IS WARNING YOU. Therefore, so am I.


If you prefer to read: Running on Empty, Jonice Webb, and many many ACoA materials. I would especially look up The Everything Guide to Codependency by Jennifer Sowle and The Struggle for Intimacy, Janet Woititz.


 

This will tell you succinctly what you need to know about Rory: Jonice Webb, Running on Empty No More. It will also more than likely save your marriage. Too bad for me, oh, well.


For further reading: Facing Love Addiction, Pia Mellody. The Power of Attachment: How To Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships, Diane Poole Heller.


 

PLEASE use these fucking materials before you’re too old and senile. It will be too late then, and you will be very, VERY sorry.


Your natal chart is telling you this in NO uncertain terms. Please listen. I don’t want to see you living through the transits you will live through if you don’t do this work NOW.


 

I love you. Good luck. Take care.

 

 

Card Readings and Hopelessness

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 21, 2021 at 9:40 PM

So, as anyone can read, I was feeling pretty low a couple of days ago.

*sigh* If people never felt low, the occult pseudosciences would never have been developed. Because, at these low periods, we have NO answers. (If we did, we wouldn't feel as low, now would we?)


When we feel low, and there are no answers, that's when the desperate turn to astrology ... or, in my case, my fairy card deck. I didn't do a new reading. I simply looked up the notes I took on the last day of 2020, when I did my official reading for 2021.

And there it was.  "January 1-Feb 15: You're being too negative. You are dwelling too much on your age and the passage of time."

(Boy, is that the truth. I've been dealing with this hip sprain thing that's pretty much prevented me from exercising for close to a year now. So this time last year I was able to jog a 6K and this year I can't even walk half a mile. And my STOMACH looks like my gramma's.)

To continue: Feb 15-end of March: "You should be seeing your special life story, but you've lost the plot. You are caught in a fog of illusion. You're afraid or reluctant to connect with others. (Yep ... pretty sure my work is shit, so I don't want to show it to anyone anymore.) Try stringent honesty and get back in touch with yourself. (Which you sort of have to do if you're going to enjoy writing anything.)"


Here's where it gets interesting. April 1-May 15th or so: The Underwater King. The Underwater King is, of course, Neptune ... conjunct the natal sun of Someone We Know, and the marker of myriad problems in this person's romantic relationships, no matter who the fuck he's with. Curiously, we both get this same card for this same period of time.

My quick notes on this card: "You are about to receive new life energies. Will happen when you hold counsel with yourself and find the road and the choices that give you peace. Remain connected to source instead of status and security. If the inner self wants another path you will feel unwell and unhappy. You're united with source when you are at peace and nourished from within. Be on the path your heart has chosen. We get revivification for new projects and challenges once we have reached within ourselves and consulted with our deepest heart as to whether we are heading in the right direction for the right purpose. Make peace with others and the past so buried energies don't arrest your entry into a new cycle."

Makes sense, if you're a writer. If you're trying for outside kudos only, you're probably not heading in the right direction for the right purpose. Makes sense for any unhappy life situation, I suppose. After that, my life starts looking a lot better. And, I have to admit, my last four articles on Medium all got curated! (And I never get curated.) So ... perhaps I should just stick these next six weeks out and just reserve judgment about life for a while.

(Their readings ... very interesting, indeed.)

Speaking of which, I put Google Analytics on this site some time ago and am getting handier and handier with it. (One of the many benefits of paying for a YourTango membership is the classes that teach you how to use this stuff.)


It would seem that I have a user whose origin is cloaked, who comes on here every few days just to look at my blog. Sometimes they're here twice a day.

Now, here I've been saying, "I have ZERO evidence that this person even remembers me anymore. So I guess that's that, I'll never hear from the person again, oh, well."

Interesting finding, this.

If I have some OTHER stalker, it would be nice if you would leave me a note on the contact page. (Had to disable comments ... too many scammers.) Otherwise, whom am I to assume this is??  *keep scrollin' past ...



OMFG.

May I PLEASE bring your attention to the following, which I typed back on this blog in DECEMBER???


"Interestingly enough, the cards led me to look at February. Why do I have a bright spot in February in the middle of an otherwise shitty year? In February, our Davison gets hits on its Saturn from the Sun (US), Mercury (communication), Venus (duh!), and Jupiter all at the same time, together with transiting nodal squares to the same planets, AND both Saturn and Jupiter sextile and trine the relationship natal nodes."

Don't tell me astrology is hogwash.

 




                                   

The Two That Are Left.

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 20, 2021 at 3:35 PM

So, I've posted these two timelines I saw: (No, none of them are Friends episodes)

The one where we got together in 2015, stayed together, and now it's falling apart


The one where he ran off in 2015, slunk back in 2017, and I agreed to see him socially so I could manipulate him away from Wife again. Ended in a horrible dump in 2020.


The ones I think I see that are left:



Yes, Husband and Wife can still pull it out. There's a slender thread where the rubber meets the road in 2023 and they stay together and look much happier. I get a string of "Things are good professionally, but you're alone in your life," transits moving forward from 2022 on, so this could definitely be the case.



And, the last one: The rubber meets the road in 2023 and they don't stay together. In this case, he and I still have "Happy new relationship" transits from 2024 on. Please note: These don't have to be with each other. But, if they split up, they could be.



Also note: She has a JILLION bad break up transits coming in 2023-2024. Even if I never see this guy again, she needs to look out! Her breakup transits LOUDLY shout down her one or two "Happy, stay-together" transits. LOUDLY. 


It's UGLY.



Also note: We still have bad relationship challenge transits even after this point. Even if we got together this is NO indiciation of smooth sailing.



Lots of work is required of either relationship.



"The Family That Applies Itself In Therapy Together, Stays Together."


A Timeline Theory of Astrology

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 20, 2021 at 3:30 PM

I noticed this when I saw that some transits I had previously seen for right now that presaged trouble are talking as if it’s an ongoing relationship.


But I don’t have a relationship. And I haven’t had one in six years. So WTF are these talking about??


Remember once upon a time when, back in 2015-2016, the relationship started, and I saw all these wonderful relationship-beginning transits there that predicted a few really good years?? And then they just petered out. And my interpretation of that then was: Well, he decided not to have the relationship and went back to his wife, so these just didn’t happen.


Well, one thing I’m discovering is that when a relationship is going well, your transits sort of shut up about it. Transits are there to tell you when important things happen, and warn you when things are about to go bad. If something is going well for you, you don’t have a transit there telling you all the time, “Things are great, things are great, things are great.” (Usually.)


 

You could have maybe one, but the great majority of your transit bandwidth is trying to guide you through the difficult stuff, and that’s why you have more tough planets than good ones and more planetary aspects are difficult than good.


 

I mean, you don’t need help when things are good, right?


So, if he’d left his wife for me then and we’d started down that road, the transits shut up for a while. “You’re going to have a good few years.”


But … now here’s all these transits talking about a relationship IN PROGRESS that’s going sour. Now, there’s bad news. I can only conclude that this is the sequela to what would have happened if we’d stayed together in 2015.


 

And I can kind of see that. If we’d gotten together then, here I was this poor widowed person, and he would have been raked over the coals in his family for divorcing. We’d have been realllly codependent and leaned on each other for a while. But, because it “looked” like it “was working,” I would have been happy enough to write this Disney princess sort of novel that might have had legs, and when I felt better I would have resented having someone so emotionally dependent on me.


And that’s sort of what it’s saying. “You changed but he didn’t.” “You want to concentrate on other things and this person is taking it too personally.” “You feel like you want things in relationship that you shouldn’t want or you have to choose between career and relationship.”


People make fun of astrology because so many times astrologers go back and affirm things retroactively. “Oh, Princess Diana died, so NOW we can go back in her chart and see this, this, and this.” Well, here’s one reason. Until I got here, I wouldn’t know I wasn’t in a relationship now, and I couldn’t hook these transits up to the last opportunity for a relationship that I did have.


Unfortunate, but true.


Looking at it this way, I guess it’s a damned good thing we didn’t go ahead then, because this timeline sucks. It. Does. Not. End. Well.


We were too sick when it started.


Which, incidentally, makes me think of a line in a relationship reading I purchased way back then: “This will look like it’s true before it is. Make sure it really is before you proceed as if it is.”


But. I said four timelines.


TBC ...

When You Foil Your Most Likely Outcome

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 20, 2021 at 2:00 PM

I’ll never forget the first time I lined up the transits for me, The Guy, and The Guy’s wife and looked at all of them together and digested them.


 

I thought: Oh, my God.

 

I’m this guy’s second wife!

 


 

Which made the first time I looked at him and got this strange feeling: We’re going to be married someday make a lot more sense.

 

Astrologer Aria Gmitter gives the following advice: Never date anyone you have a yod with. Which sounds very prudent, given what’s happened in the intervening years.

 

(Although … I don’t have a yod with this guy in the sense that one planet makes a yod out of someone else’s two planets. We have interlocking yods that form each other’s boomerangs. Does that count?)

 

I have to say, though, that over the years, I have made a study of all the transits affecting each person over a three-decade period. I used to think I saw only one timeline.


Now, I actually think I see four.

 

 

I jotted the transit meanings down before I had studied a lot of astrology, and I was trying to shorten them so the main themes fit on 1/3 of a page. So, I put down the meanings but I didn’t waste space writing in the aspect names. I could go back and do that now, but it would be a lot of work! If I wanted to make a formal astrology article out of this, I’d need to do that, though.

 

 

I probably will do that one day. This is my first attempt at organizing my thoughts to start making a second article on the subject. (The first one is https://thethinkingotherwoman.webs.com/mapping-your-future" target="_blank">here.) (Sorry about that. This thing will NOT format a link properly.)


 

The most obvious outcome of our relationship is the one I wrote about there: The one where he runs off, he slinks back in 2017 … and I can’t live without him, am scared of losing him again, grab him by the neck, and start trying to convince him to leave his wife again. This time I’m more successful, we get caught, he leaves … and his family bludgeons him back in again, and I’m hideously, painfully dumped sometime last year.


 

 

There was still a strong possibility of getting him back again in 2023, but the experience would have scarred him so badly we wouldn’t have a hope of having anything healthy.



I mean, think about it. If a person is so selfish and so needy she takes over another person’s thinking and decision-making at the (re)start of an affair in 2017 … what’s the likelihood she’ll relinquish it in 2024?



Not great. So how is a person supposed to start thinking for himself, being honest, and make all those great strides in personal development in 2024 and later if they’re with this domineering person? Only if the domineering person wakes up and stops being domineering, that’s how. And it’s unlikely somebody domineering will ever do that, if being domineering has gotten them all they wanted from the beginning of the relationship right up until yesterday. Right??



Luckily I saw that and figured all that out way back when … which was why I said no when he slunk back in 2017. If you really love someone, you want to help them, not hurt them. And, at the time we were speaking again over three years ago, I was literally afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if we started seeing each other socially at that time.



So, it looks like I lost him forever in so doing.



Okay. Maybe it’s for the best.



However … in revisiting those pages I wrote (I was looking for career transits this time), something new has whacked me between the eyes ...

My Life Has Been So, So Sad,

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 19, 2021 at 12:35 AM

If I'm never going to be a real writer, I must at least have the dedication to be one, because I'm forever telling myself it's all over, no one reads this stupid thing on Wattpad and I might as well quit ... and the next thing I know I'm back on YouTube, watching birth and baby story videos because Ridley has a six-month-old and I have to write this young mother with a new baby and I never had a baby.

So I ran across https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-R1h3tHo4I" target="_blank">this adorable vlogger and, while the videos are instructive as far as childbirth and newborns, they're also really sweet and entertaining.

At first. And then, watching this wedding video, I realized that I have good damn reason to feel depressed and feel like my life is over.

Here's this beautiful couple who met in college, were together something like eight years, did a Las Vegas Elvis wedding, and then taped this lovely Chinese wedding they flew their entire family to their native Hong Kong for. And here's this huge, happy family, laughing and celebrating together.


Later (after one miscarriage that was, admittedly, sad), they have this beautiful childbirth and this adorable baby. Two wonderful sets of grandparents; they have a big, lovely house, and clearly they aren't hurting for money.

Geez.

I mean, this is what life was supposed to be. This is how happy normal people's lives are.

I didn't get to have any of this.  My whole family was so, so sick. I can't even stay in touch with most of them. I chose the wrong career and struggled and struggled. I've been terrified of being poor most of my life. When we got married, most of my family didn't even come. I couldn't invite them. My mother had acted so outrageously at my brother's college graduation, I was afraid to invite her. 

We had $1000 to spend on our whole entire wedding--dress, cake, rings, flowers, minister, everything. And I was 38 fucking years old! How wonderful it must be to have all these friends, and all this wonderful family to celebrate a wedding with.

And have a baby years later instead of widowed before your seventh anniversary.

And I wonder why I'm still stuck on a loser married guy six years after he dumped me and broke my heart. My whole life has been lived in such emotional poverty I literally am left with nothing.

Really. Six years ago, this guy was all I had left. And, boy, is that sad. I treated this guy better than he's been treated in twenty years ... and I still couldn't count on him. And that was all I had left in my whole, whole life. THAT is sad, sad, sad.

When you don't have friends, when you don't have a family, when you knew you were too mentally unhealthy to ever raise kids and even if you could have, you were too poor to afford them, you spend the last twelve years of your life caring for old, sick, crippled, dying people ... alone ... and then they all die and life leaves you completely alone ...

If I could have made something successful out of my life that meant something to someone besides just me, it still would have felt like my life had meaning. All that energy most people put into children and grandchildren, loved ones and a family and a legacy that will live on after them, I wanted to go into a novel or two that would have had some beneficial impact on people. It was the only dream I had left.

But, no. Apparently not.

And, horoscopes or not, if you-know-who wants to sit and stagnate in his life, then that's what he's going to do. (Because after what I last heard from him, it would have taken an act of God to turn that Titanic around.)

And that leaves me with nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

And then I whale on myself because I can't go on and approach life like a naive little twenty-year-old again, as if none of this happened to me.

Some people are so lucky. They are so, so lucky.

Even if you're poor ... If you have a crowd of loving people who would come to your wedding and dance and celebrate and have a blast because they love you--without acting like crazy narcissists--you are rich beyond compare.


Sad to say, when you're born without a healthy family like this, life doesn't go up from there. It goes d-o-w-n.

And I am about as far down as you can get.

I'm so far down I can't even see daylight over the lip of the hole anymore.

I really don't have any hope that things will ever get better in my life.

When you're born to sick parents, this is how it ends up. I've fought and I've fought and I've fought and I've fought, and this is still how it ends up.

What did I do to even deserve this?

I'm sick of it.

What do you do to make a life like this better again?

I don't think there is anything. I really, really don't.                               

Weren't Things Supposed To Get Better?

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 18, 2021 at 6:45 PM

If you do the right thing, they say, you are supposed to create good karma.


If you create good karma, things are supposed to get better.


You’re supposed to see that you were far better off without the guy. You’re supposed to have far more fulfilling experiences. You’re supposed to see how wrong the affair was when you fall for someone far healthier … far better.


When you do the right thing, your life is supposed to turn out better.

(Isn’t it?)


Over three years ago, the married guy I had a brief emotional affair with sort of slunk back and asked to see me again. While making it clear he just couldn’t leave his marriage, because his entire family tried to cut him out in retaliation.


He would miss his children too much. He would miss his grandchildren too much. He just couldn’t leave.


I knew staying in touch with this person would in no way support that. Even my horoscope was saying, Stay out of power and control.


At that point in my life, I didn’t trust myself to see the guy again socially without resorting to manipulation. Aww, come onnnn, you know you’re miserable there.


And that would in no way help anyone. If a person isn’t ready to leave his marriage, the person isn’t ready to leave his marriage. I can’t make him ready by resorting to power and control.


We’re just supposed to work on ourselves.


So, I did.


I worked on myself and worked on myself and worked on myself and worked on myself.


And … nothing happened.


Okay, well, covid-19 happened. I guess that’s at least partially responsible for nothing else ever happening in my life. (I mean, how can it when you can’t even go to the gym anymore?)


Every other “I Used To Be A Mistress” woman has moved on to a better life. (Or, those who have moved on to better lives have been the only ones to write articles about their former lives as mistresses. Wait, can you call yourself a mistress to a guy you never slept with?)


I, on the other hand, am pretty much ready to give completely up on everything.


It’s covid-19. I’m not going to meet anyone else. Even if I did, I’m so sad and depressed I don’t have anything to offer anyone else. In the past twelve years, I’ve been beaten down by caregiving three old people in their last, slowly dying years, one of whom was my husband and best friend. I had a pretty bad hip injury last year that’s taken all year to get better, so I haven’t been able to exercise and gained some ten more pounds, and I was obese before that.


I’ve crossed the fifty-year line.


And, I’ve watched my writing fall flat … and fall flat … and fall flat. Crickets.


Okay.


Nothing I ever wanted for my life has worked out.


And I’m pretty deep into certainty by now that it never will.


I’m never going to be a writer. Never going to be part of a family again. I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. Oh, and, having taken care of these sixty-plus, seventy-plus, and eighty-year-old plus people, I know pretty well what comes after your fifties.


I’m working the career that would have been my mother’s dream career, but I’ve known my whole life it isn’t mine.


And I’m about out of fight, here. I’m about out of ideas. I’m totally out of hope.


I’m literally afraid to choose something else, because whatever it is I choose, the Universe says no. And there ain’t no arguing with the Universe. What It says, goes.


I have to live within what this Universe will let me have. What this Universe will let me have is the career my mother wanted, the bills left over from the school necessary for that career, and a house that needs cleaning.


I’m trying really hard to be happy with what I have.


For now, at least, I’m financially stable, and that’s much more than many, many Americans get to have right now.


That’s good, but it’s not enough for actual happiness.


My horoscope says right now, You’re afraid you’ll never be happy again.


Yep. That’s about right.


Things were supposed to get better next year. I see no evidence of that on my horizon. It doesn’t matter what was originally predicted for you, it doesn’t have to happen. And I see zero evidence that it ever will.


So, I’ve given up every last hope and dream I ever had.


I have no new ones, because I have no faith they would lead to anything other than the same disappointment all over again.


What was I supposed to do with the rest of my life?


Oh, well. All that looks prudent to do with it right now is accept what I have, and try again to make myself happy with someone else’s dream career and my home chores.


Really, if I were able to be happy with just those things, life would be fine!


So why don’t I just … feel happy with only those things? Because those things are all I can have.


When you do the right thing at great cost to your own happiness … aren’t things supposed to turn out better than this?

 

Astrology and Personal Breakthroughs (however small) Part Two

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 27, 2020 at 9:20 AM

Hmm, turns out the birth time does affect transits to the Davison. At the other time I tested, the Davison still gets some mean hits, but not nearly as many or as bad. So, I could be wrong. Who knows? 

(I have the first child's birthdate and the wedding date. One day I should use these to rectify the birth chart. I wonder what time I would actually end up with?)

**OK, so that was what I finally sat down and did. I looked at hourly birth time solar arc conjunctions for the wedding date (within zero degrees) and the first child's birthdate and narrowed it down to two likely birth times: the one I had picked, 6 solar arc conjnunctions for the child's birthdate and 5 for the wedding date, and a second one with a whopping 8 conjunctions for their wedding date and 5 for the first child's birthdate. (The father's chart also lights up nicely on the first child's birth date as well.)

I ended up choosing my original birth time, even though the second got more hits, because a few transits changed with the second birth time that either contradicted an event I know happened in her life at that time, or sounded sort of similar, but the first birth time really hit the nail on the head. Also, I bought a second Davison report for the second birth time and it mischaracterizes the husband somewhat. And the Davison for the first birth time talks about the affair, while the second candidate does not.


So, the first birth time I chose, it is! And the Davison for the husband with the known birth time and this birth time is getting a SHITLOAD of conjunctions on February 10th, the majority of them Not. So. Nice. Now watch me find out some day her actual birth time is wildly different from either one of these. All the same, I had to revisit how strongly the transits for the birth date I chose reflect the husband moving out, the period of marriage counseling with the VERY strong advice to wake up and work on one's own problems, and the need for corrective change after the counseling, together with a significant event in her life that ended in May 2020 ... right when it was supposed to. 

 

So, if I haven't learned anything else from this, I've learned a lot of astrology.


And one thing I see is, if you decide to stick your head in the sand and ignore pressure to change ... you can. You're in charge, not the chart.



Which is why I doubt very seriously I'll ever hear from him again. I could have sunk my teeth in three years ago and hung on and dragged him out of that marriage, and that timeline was very clear. I would have eventually won. But I would have set myself in this horrible controlling mindset instead of the one I have now, and I would indeed be living a dream ... one I'd have a very unpleasant awakening from. Because he wouldn't have grown at all and would do the same thing in that relationship he did in his marriage ... and I wouldn't find out for years and years later. Because growth doesn't come from me. It comes from him, in his own good time.


Which was supposed to be the years 2023-2024 and beyond. Maybe he won't do it at all and they'll just sit there and stagnate the way people in their sixties are prone to do. Or they'll both change and finally achieve a happier marriage. (Her chart is betting strongly against it. Even her good transits talk about a breakup!)


I won't be there, so I'll never know.


So what's happening is, I don't get to live that dream. That big, larger-than-life dream where I get the man and the writing career and everything ... and then that hard, hard wakeup.


I'm having my wakeup now.


I'm very sad. It's sad to lose potential. But the fact is, without action and grit, potential never does anything anyway, and you can't open up someone's head and pour in grit. Parents can do that, a little bit, when we're small, because our brains are still forming, but at age 62?? Forget it. This person is codependent. He wants to stay home for the approval of other people, so that's what he's going to do.


I hope it ends at least somewhat happily for him. As for me, I can see three different timelines here that I couldn't see at first.


The first one was if he left back in 2015 when he first tried to. We would have been happy for a while, and I would have felt supported enough to write this soaring prose I used to write. Then when the charts start talking about success breaking up a codependent relationship that's already in progress ... yeah, that makes sense now.


The second timeline was where he went back and showed up again in 2017 and we had an affair. THAT outcome was distinctly terrible, which is why I reluctantly turned it down. That's the one I'm talking about up there, where eventually I win, but I've destroyed his ability to think for himself in the process and reinforced an inappropriately controlling mindset in myself. End result: DESTRUCTION.


There's still one more timeline. The one where we're together and healed and happy ever after. I just get whisperings of this in my chart, and past 2023 she doesn't get any, but he has a nice continuous thread for this in his chart. It's a lot quieter than the loud ugly transits portending disaster courtesy of an unhealed childhood, but it's there and it's consistent.


So who the fuck is he with?? Either this is a timeline that starts in 2017 where we have the affair and manage to wake up and turn it from disaster in time, or it starts in 2024 sometime. Maybe it's because he meets someone else and that's who it's with. (Gee, thanks.)


Anyway, four years is a long time to wait. I'm getting tired of this. He's taking too long, and even if he finally leaves, we won't have seen each other or spoken in seven years. He won't remember me. Time to just hang relationships up and just be an old lady. I already had my great relationship and that time in my life is long over.


Either way, I can see the great wisdom in waiting to have this relationship. We weren't healed enough in 2015, and we weren't healed enough almost three years later, either. The relationship, even though we're compatible, wouldn't have been able to go well until 1.) I give up trying to control the world into what I wanted it to be when I was little, and 2.) He recovered enough from codependency to a.) actually know what he himself is feeling instead of just everyone else, b.) tell the goddamned truth about it, rather than waiting five or ten years until he's absolutely crazy with pain, and c.) Stand. The. Fuck. Up. For. Himself.

Under those conditions, the relationship can work. If not ... NO relationship with anyone is ever going to work. It may look like it's working to everyone else, but really he's unhappy and one day ... BLAM! And this is in our Davison.


Generally, when things take too long to happen, they just ... don't ... happen. I think he's forgetting about me. I haven't seen any evidence of him at all since August. I had hoped for so much better, but oh, well.


I joined Nu Mindframe's Patreon. She has an audio on there where she says that if you had a childhood where your needs weren't met, you feel like you need to have them met doubly in adulthood, because your belief that the world is a good, happy place was destroyed too early, and you still want that need met.


I guess that would describe me. LOOK how huge my dreams have been: Impossible relationship, prominent career as a writer. This kind of thing shows up in horoscopes, too ... the wife is doing the same thing, only in a different way.


And we both USE HIM to do this, because that is what codependents do ... they ask to be used. They're soooo sure they're no good and they're soooo sure no one will ever love them that they mold themselves into whatever someone wants, in exchange for love ... which isn't really love, because it isn't really for THEM, it's for the person they are PRETENDING to be. They demand everyone else think for them, and then they're depressed and upset because everyone else is thinking for them!


I see now that I have got to quit doing this.


I have to quit doing this with writing, and I have to quit doing this with Chi.


If I don't, I'm going to fail at a major life task and end up a very, very, sad, sad old lady. This is spelled out very clearly in the transits at the end of my life and at the end of Chi's wife's. I just figured out that in my case, this is the major task they're talking about. Chi's wife's is a little different, but not substantially. Chi's job is to attach to women like this and make them learn their lessons by disappointing them and himself.

(Chi? This one grew up already. You don't have to do that anymore!) 



So ... I reform myself so I understand this and I would never, EVER propose to think for this person again, (because that's what love is), and ... he stays home and forgets about me.

Ohhhkay.


So: I guess I've also learned a lesson about big dreams:

I shouldn't have them. Because they're all about redeeming a bad childhood, and that isn't realistic. Nothing is going to make up for whar I didn't get from my parents and family, and the hazing I got from cruel schoolmates. I had a shit childhood. It's over. Nothing is going to change it. This world is not a good place. (Just look at it.)


If people are going to have a wildly successful life, it's because they have a talent the world responds to, they're happy when they're performing it, and their soul elected to have this experience in the world when they were born. NOT because they had a childhood that made them feel terrible, and now they're trying to strongarm the world into making it better for them.


I'm not going to have this relationship, and from all appearances I need to give up on having success writing right now, because people do not respond to my writing. Not in the numbers it would take.

I need to stop feeling like my world has fallen irretrievably apart because of these facts.

I've been doing it for five years now, and it feels terrible. It's time to assimilate reality, and just stop.

All I am is an ordinary little old fat woman. I live the same life everyone else lives. I am not going to redeem my horrible childhood with A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G extraordinary.


Well ... maybe extraordinary efforts to become more emotionally healthy, and that's about it. I just need to get used to living an ordinary little old fat woman's life, and that's it.


I don't have much. I have a job with enough income to meet my needs for now, and I have a place to live and the chores of daily living. That. Is. All. I. Have.


It seems pretty sad. It seems like I should have a relationship. I've more than earned it. OH-to-the-fuck-WELL. Right now there's nobody, I can't even imagine who I would want to be with, and it's covid-19, anyway.


I think I'm all done with relationships. What I need to do is learn to be happy with the little things in daily life. Those things are all I have.


I am never again going to have a Big Relationship to "make me happy." Even if I did, I'd just get widowed again anyway and end up right back in the same boat all over again. Might as well learn to handle it now.


I'm starting to understand that all life is, is tiny, little squirts of happiness here and there, over tiny, tiny little things. Like, I was in the drugstore and I discovered this little handheld Galaga game--a video game I loved when I was much younger. This looks just like a miniature arcade game only it's desktop. I bought it and have been playing it and I was just so thrilled the night I bought it. Now I get to play it whenever I want and I don't have to lose all those quarters!


I found a pearl wholesaler and bought some pearls. I had had my eye on this JesMaharry pearl bracelet, strung on leather, which she was selling for $250. ON SALE. I think she was asking $400 for it originally. Then I found this wholesaler and this week my pearls arrived. I strung my own pink pearl bracelet last night for like, $15. I picked the most lustrous pink and lavendar pearls and it is BEAUTIFUL!!


Even though I am still very sad about Chi, I was thrilled about the bracelet.


I posted an article on Medium about a week ago. It's probably the best one I've ever written. 26 people have viewed it. I felt a glow of accomplisment when I hit "publish." That is all I'm going to get.


I feel angry and sad sometimes that my life is ending up to be so, so much less than other people's lives. I have no emotional home any more. I have no family. I have no relationship. Aren't these things just about everyone finds and gets to have? Why did my husband have to die of brain cancer? Why is Chi such a schmuck? Why did these things happen to me?


Of course, I study astrology, so I know why these things happened to me. It's called, personal growth. All we're really supposed to do in this life is get born into imperfect families and suffer childhood wounds, and then take conscious charge of our personalities by growing ourselves up in the way our parents did not or could not grow us up. That. Is. Really. All.


And I've done all that. I just wish the process could contain some happiness for a change. I wish I didn't have to lose everything that made me happy for me to do this. I wish I could have back some of the normal things other people get to have. For who I really am to connect up and click in the world. For a companion.


Oh, well. Chi is never going to grow up and be ready, and I couldn't really say who else that might be. I had the best soul mate companion already, and I guess that will just have to be enough. After all, look at Chi and his wife. They're going to be together for the rest of their lives at this rate, some fifty-five or sixty years, and neither of them has been happy.


At least I didn't do that in the marriage I had. And I pledge that I never will. It will work, or I just won't have it. So I guess I just won't have it.


Bye, Chi. Sorry it didn't work out. Hurry up and grow the fuck up. Maybe it still can.

Astrology and Personal Breakthroughs (however small) Part One

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 26, 2020 at 7:30 AM

The one saving grace in trying to use astrology to post-mortem a relationship is: You learn a lot about astrology.

So, I never heard from this person again. The relationship is dead; gone; I'll never, EVER, see this guy again. The last time I saw him was on Medium as I have described. I can't tell if he's reading any of my pieces on there, but I imagine not, as you can only read five without paying to join and he hasn't paid to join.

The riddle I was trying to solve: If we never see each other again, HOW THE HELL does Rory get ALL THESE BREAKUP TRANSITS I see for her past 2023???

OK, she has a slim chance still at reviving and fixing that marriage, but the transits for it are, like, one or two. Against tons and tons and tons and TONS of bad, BAD news that's carried on all through this and gets worse and WORSE after about the second half of 2023. I have to tell you, I do not want to be this woman and live through the ones she's going to get from 2024 on. Especially at her age. This is bad enough at age 25, but age 67???

Which is why, had the guy come back, I would have had to steer clear and give them every chance. I mean, sheesh. If she's going to wreck it, let her wreck it on her own. I don't need that on my conscience, and she does, in fact, appear perfectly capable of wrecking it on her own.

YET, the question: If we never get back together, how the hell does she get left?? Because the timing of the next time I was to see him and the timing of his leaving a relationship and the timing of her getting all this awful stuff coincide. Otherwise, I'd think it was a fourth chart coming in that I don't know about.

Here's where I learned something:

I thought: Maybe I have the wrong birth time for her. So I did some testing on the chart and realized:  IT DOESN'T MATTER. She gets all but one or two of the same transits anyway, and the one or two actually are very close to the same thing.

But, in doing this, I used a transit grid you can get for free on astro.com and compared it to a Liz Greene yearly transit report I had bought for her, and in so doing ...

I figured out how those reports are generated!!!

I had wondered THAT for ages!!

NOW, I know how to put one together for anyone for any year, for free!!!

It's simple:

The reports leave out the "personal planets," because those FLY around the zodiac and those transits only last a few days or so. They also leave out nodes and vertex, which is SAD, because I'd love to see how Liz The Great interprets those.

(I also found her astrology school online. I could actually take courses there and get their degree. But it's EXPENSIVE. More expensive than NCGR's, which I really think I'd rather take, because it's the American school of astrology and it also offers a research certification, which the London Faculty school does not. If I got a certification, I'd want it to be as a research astrologer, because I would be doing it to publish research on love triangles as I am doing here.)


So, after you take out the personal planets and the nodes and vertex, you take every transiting planet left, from Jupiter on, and pick the strongest two or three transits each one is making until you have about 18. You make up the rest of the field by looking at the progressions and picking up the strongest of those, about seven, especially if any echo the transits you've just selected. (Because, for something to happen, we know it's more likely if you have both a transit and a progression for it, And you won't get it if it's not in your natal.) Then you interpret those, and presto! You have your year. These are based on how Liz Greene actually does hers, and I have so many of hers and Robert Hand's transit interpretations I could probably put one of these together for free myself and get the same thing they do. (I'll have to do 2022 and then purchase it and test myself.)

I also figured out why these things are so goddamned depressing. Outer planets are goddamned depressing. Jupiter is the one happy one. Saturn, Neptune, Pluto, Uranus ... all of these tend to reflect shitty events. Even when you get a good aspect, you're looking at a lot of change and hard work. All the happier planets--the Sun, Moon, Venus ... those are the ones that are FLYING through the zodiac and those transits are going to be fleeting and not affecting your entire year. The outer planets are describing your journey through life and the trials and problems you are going to have. So, right there, you're in for something depressing. With any luck, they'll at least be good aspects and not shitty ones. 

I hate to say it, but out of the three of us, she has The. Shittiest. Outer. Planet. Transits. from about age 65 on. There are one or two bright spots ... but they aren't relationship ones particularly, and there are only two of them. Christ Jesus. You don't want an old age that looks like this. Especially in 2027, she has four Chiron ones that are just
AWFUL.

And, ya know? I can see her heading right for them, in the choices she made back in 2016, where she could have really listened and really improved her marriage ... but she didn't.

When you do a whole life reading like this, you can see how bad choices you make now play out down the line ... at least if you have an event with at least one timeline that is VERY clear, the way we did in 2015.

Which leaves me asking: HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPEN?

Because Mars just went past the yods, and I haven't heard from him. WE'RE NOT FUCKING TOGETHER. (Literally as well as figuratively.) So, how the fuck???

Interestingly enough, the cards led me to look at February. Why do I have a bright spot in February in the middle of an otherwise shitty year? In February, our Davison gets hits on its Saturn from the Sun (US), Mercury (communication), Venus (duh!), and Jupiter all at the same time, together with transiting nodal squares to the same planets, AND both Saturn and Jupiter sextile and trine the relationship natal nodes.

Interesting. No doubt if you're reading this, you've noticed the spate of articles about Saturn and Jupiter that came out around the 21st. Usually Saturn just sucks. If I had only the hits of the Sun, Mercury, and Venus, I'd have to say, Well, that's NO communication, NO love, and NO relationship. But Jupiter is there. An annoying preponderance of astrologers seem to believe the presence of Jupiter on Saturn turns prospects much more rosy. (I'll believe it when I see it.)

Nodal squares. A lot of people say these amount to precisely nothing. But we've got
four of them. Together with three big Vertex hits, one of those involving nodes. Fate, fate, fate.

Is this where we reconnect anyway even though I turned down the relationship in 2017?

Heh. Astrology can footnote anything it wants, but nothing can stand against genuine inertia.

However, their Davison has a PILE of BAD conjunctions occurring at the same time. Like, ELEVEN OF THEM. They also have Sun, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter hits on the Davison Sun at the same time, but the rest of these ... Saturn, Pluto, and a PILE of fucking Chiron ... UGH. And FIFTEEN conjunctions in one chart at the SAME time??? THAT kind of shit is BIG.

Hmm ... wonder if it varies with the wife's birth time? *goes to check*





Merry Christmas!

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 25, 2020 at 7:25 AM

If you're here on Christmas, you're plrobably not having a very good time in your life. 

But I'm here to wish you the best anyway.

And a better 2021!!

Tarot Tutorial 5

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 6, 2020 at 2:25 PM

Now you see how tarot can be useful. After a reading like that one, a history like this, and astrology like what I see in this situation: Even if the guy did turn up and things LOOKED and SOUNDED good, there is no way I'd bite. This reading is saying: Be warned. Don't get burned (again.)

Now, here's the really funny part: My reading, which I actually did first.

Reading One: Me.

 

A Two Paths spread.

 

 

Outcome One: Five of Swords

The Five of Swords is NOT a happy card. In it, two people are walking away dejected and angry after one person has taken all the swords. It suggests that someone has made an unfair win or gotten a victory dishonorably. Two people are walking away the losers, and they aren't happy. It implies the losers may even want revenge at a later date. But who am I, the winner or the losers?


 

 

Outcome Two: Nine of Wands reversed.

This card right side up reflects that things have been tough, and you're going to have to fight hard to get to your goal. You are marshaling strength for the effort. Reversed, something is going wrong with this. You're doing this in a bad way somehow: Either continuing in a fight where you're just on the wrong side and you don't want to admit it and give it the hell up, you fought the battle and, like Donald Trump, you're grousing because you're a sore loser, you won but it's been really awful and maybe not worth it, or the whole thing's all in your head and you just aren't seeing reality. This card talks about the need to retreat from the battleground, going forward in life with only the things that serve you, instead of continuing to battle on and on. The card can be telling you that you are waiting on some future event that will never arrive. Or, you may be looking at a partner who whines a lot but never moves on from their issues, someone using you as a crutch.

Not a nice card to see, eh? Basically, this card is saying, It ain't worth it. Give it up, it ain't never going to happen! 


 

 

Leading to Outcome One: The Devil.

Ah, the Devil. In the Devil card, two people are chained to a devil--something unhealthy, a drug habit, a sick relationship, an eating disorder, a gambling addiction--something not good for them. The chains around their necks are loose enough that they could lift them off and choose to escape rather easily if they so desired. The Devil can indicate a codependent relationship, or maybe an affair. You're a slave to something bad and you're going to pay for it. Oh, it would be so much better to see the Devil reversed here!

 

 

Leading to Outcome Two: Ten of Wands reversed.

The Ten of Wands reversed turns up when a situation is so tough and overwhelming that it really is necessary to let something go. It often means, "You're beating a dead horse. give the fuck up already!" You've taken on too much and you can't achieve what you thought you would, and now you realize that. You could be taken advantage of by someone. You're breaking your back for no reward. It's time to let a dream go because it hasn't worked out even though you did all you could.


Here's the interesting part: 


 

 

The critical factor that decides what will come to pass: Two of Wands reversed.


The Two of Wands upright talks about travel, motion, making a decision whether to move on or stay with what you are used to. It tends to be positive in that you decide on the side of moving on. This is the card of sudden, unexpected departures, where a person has suddenly decided that something doesn't suit them and quits a job or moves out of the house and files for divorce without warning.


Reversed, this is NOT happening. You decide, regretfully, that even though you would like to leave, you can't for some reason and must stay. The classic card, actually, for what Chi did three years ago, which is stay in an unfulfilling relationship because of friction from society and other people. You want to move on from an unfulfilling situation but you just don't have the guts.


HOWEVER, since the upright is the card of unexpected departure, the reversal CAN mean: An unexpected arrival. It is one of those cards for: The sudden return of an ex-partner.


Now, how the hell are you going to interpret THAT?? It's interesting, because the two arms above this card sort of cover both scenarios.


Arm One: He does show up. That's the Devil. An illicit relationship we're addicted to, and we decide to stay in it. The card above that, Outcome One, shows a dishonorable win with bad consequences. Need to stay away from that one.


Arm Two: I see that I can just put this away now, probably because he hasn't shown up. If the reversed Two of Wands is him going, No, I'm really going to stay put for good, this is the arm I get. I'm beating a dead horse and have to give up for good, and the outcome card for that arm talks about more of the same. It's also a card with the message that you've really been beaten to shit in a relationship and are left with a lot of negative attitudes as a result.


So, basically, there's just no good outcome here. If he doesn't show up, that's the end of that, and based on past history and the amount of time that's elapsed, that's what I'm anticipating. If he does, that Devil and that outcome with bad repercussions is going to be tough to steer around.


Do I think this is good advice? Yep. 


 

 

WE INTERRUPT THIS TUTORIAL FOR A VERY SCARY CARD READING.

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 6, 2020 at 11:55 AM

So, it's taken me longer to finish posting this tutorial than I thought. The reason is I have to    do my continuing ed for license renewal online this year and it takes so much longer to do it that way! (You can rewind it when you didn't get something.)

Just for shits and grins, I flipped through another random online set of cards this morning.

WTF???


A "creative process" spread, said to provide insight into a project or creative undertaking.


Creative force behind the project: The Fool.

Imagination: The Heirophant.

Emotion: The Three of Cups, reversed.

Thought: Seven of Cups.

Manifestation: Queen of Cups, reversed.


May I just say: This Reading Sucks.

I HOPE it's about this stupid novel. (I expect that to bomb, anyway.) If so, what it says is I'm starting off on a new journey, full of happier expectations and listening to my instincts, but I'm not seeing it realistically and it ends up very disappointing.

Nice try.
For one thing, look at all the cups. Emotions are involved, and probably a relationship.

If I look at this as being about the relationship that ended, cards one and two are the same. We certainly did start off down the road with high hopes. And we were listening to our instincts to start with. 


That Emotion card: When you look this up and read what many tarot professionals say about it, it's usually written up as The. Classic. Affair. Card. Right side up, it's a happy gathering with friends. upside down it's, "Three's a crowd." It can be about feeling out of place with others in a social situation, but most readers write that it turns up in a third-party love situation. 

Seven of Cups: Seeing the possibilities unrealistically.


Manifestation: Man, you don't want this one. The only card more codependent than this one is the King of Cups reversed. Blecch!!


Of course, you know after this batch I had to peek at some others and they were just as terrifying as this batch. But, I'm going to carry on with the initial readings, which I didn't finish.

One Wonders:

If the fucking relationship is already over and done for good, why do I get cards like this?? I'm thinking:

1.) I'm looking at the other timeline; the one that would have happened if I'd hung on to him three years ago

2.) It's showing me what already happened. "You asked about this relationship that ended three years ago; well, it's over and there's nothing else to say about it." Seems like you would get definite ending cards like Five of Cups, Ten of Swords, the Death card, Three of Swords ... something like that. Ten of Wands upside down ... "Honey, you're beating a dead horse. Let it go." Tarot has plenty of cards with which to convey this message.

3.) Or ... gulp! It really is in the future.


*Damn. I just finished Tutorial #4 and ... *blip*! It disappeared into cyberspace when I hit "publish." Gone, gone, gone. I got part of it back, but now I have to redo it all over again. GRR.

                

Tarot Tutorial 4

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 4, 2020 at 11:20 PM

Now we're getting into the nitty-gritty here ...

The Husband. My ex: Chi.


 

Reading Two: Chi.

 

A Cross and Triangle. (The Cross and Triangle spits out a few thoughts about something in your life and then tells you which way it's likely to go.)

 

 

Prine energy in his life: Knight of Pentacles reversed.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Remember when we talked about the Kinght of Pentacles right side up? All that move-forward, can-do energy? Well, reversed, this guy CAN'T do. The reversed Knight of Pentacles is stuck in the mud. (Pretty funny considering all else we know about this, right?) This guy isn't working very hard for some reason. In some cases, his work may be all done, but, um, considering the history here, I doubt that very seriously. He may be taking too long to do something. (Ya THINK?) Or, he's just unmotivated and stuck. I'm betting on that last one. 

Of course, the bad thing about reversals is they can mean two totally opposite things, which in the love and romance department can be, for this card, a guy who's unavailable, or a guy who's about to cheat.

This is why I hate reversed tarot cards.

 

 

Process of thought: Nine of Swords reversed.


Right side up, the Nine of Swords shows a person bolting up in bed, terribly upset after having a nightmare. It reflects that a person is preoccupied with worry and emotional upset about things in their life.


Again, this is a place where reversals can be maddeningly difficult to read. Reversed, the situation is either way, way worse, where the individual is in the middle of his worst nightmare, or way, way better, where he has found a way out of his troubles and is breathing much easier now. Hmm. 

 

Motivation: The Hermit reversed.


The Hermit right side up is isolating himself in a good way. He's deep in study or contemplation, or just taking a break from the world. In any case, his isolation is positive.


Reversed, the isolation is a bad thing for some reason. The Hermit feels like an outcast, or he is the one shunning others. Or, he's very lonely in his isolation. (Wouldn't surprise me; it's been that way almost twenty years!) Also, the Hermit may be ready to leave the isolation for this reason. A murky card that's difficult to interpret. (At least it isn't as bad as that knight.)

 

 

Emotions: Eight of Wands.


The Eight of Wands indicates that something active is about to happen suddenly, or the person is contemplating a sudden, energetic move. (Finally, a card that isn't ambigious!)

 

 

Position in life: Four of cups.

This card portrays a person sitting preoccupied under a tree, looking at three cups in front of him while a hand mysteriously appears in the air in front of him, holding out a fourth cup. This person ignores the new cup to stare moodily at the three he already has.

 

 This card suggests that a person feels depleted somehow and unhappy with what he has, but lacks the energy or motivation to look around and notice any gifts that might be on offer in his life. For whatever reason, he's not going to get up from under that tree right now and take the new cup. It will always be there, and he might in the future, but not now.


Um, if you're that new cup, and the tarot is giving you this kind of message about somebody you're involved with, it would be wise to listen. This guy's not ready to move on with you. Ignore this message and you will get your heart broken.

 

One of two opposing forces: Five of Cups reversed.

In the Five of Cups, a figure stands in black, looking sadly down at three broken cups in front of him. He does not see two intack cups behind him. The card is about mourning something that is irretrievably gone.


If you get the card reversed, you are no longer mourning something that is irretrievably gone ... usually. (Reversals can mean the issue is even worse ... so you could be even more stuck in mourning something that is irretrievably gone.)


But, if not, and you are no longer mourning the thing: You could have gotten over it and gone on with your life. Or, you are no longer mourning it because you went back and fixed it, therefore you no longer need to mourn losing it. This is the classic card for getting over a broken relationship, or the death of someone close.  


 

 

Second of two opposing forces: Three of Cups. (Hmm … I thought these were supposed to be OPPOSING forces!)

The Three of Cups depicts three dancing woman, holding up cups of wine. Usually it reflects a happy time spent in the company of many people, but it can also reflect this kind of mood in a relationship.

 

 

Resolving the conflict between the forces: Six of Cups.

The Six of Cups talks about going back to an earlier time in your life to be nurtured. The classic case is of a young person who's been fired from a job, or evicted, or broken up with a spouse, and goes back home to the folks for a while to be watched over and mothered until they've picked up the pieces and are ready to head back out into the world again. It can reflect an older person going into a nursing home to be cared for in this way, or possibly the adult child caregiver who now has to take care of the parent in this way.


The card reflects that you are thinking about the past, looking at the past with rose-colored glasses, or issues surrounding the reading are being influenced by something in the past. You could be living in the past or feeling nostalgic for the past. You could actually return to some person or place of the past to be nurtured in some way. It CAN be that you are hankering after an old love, or an old flame or relationship turns up in some way, probably causing problems in the present.   

 

 

Final outcome unless you change course: The Lovers, reversed.

That interpretation is definitely suggested by this card. Here, a relationship isn't going well or has broken up. Or, if it's together and it's happy, it's seen as illicit by society and the couple is getting ostracized due to social disapproval. Some relationship here is upside down in some way.


This spread has a strong slant toward the future. It's unlikely to be recalling a past event. This whole spread is generally chosen because we are asking about events in the now.


C'mon. Why do I keep getting this crap? Death Card, Ten of Swords, Three of Swords, where are you?


Tarot Tutorial 3

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 4, 2020 at 10:55 PM

Now we come to Rory: the Wife in all of this.

 

Reading Three: Rory

 

 

A Shadow Truth spread.

 

 

Attitude you assume: Ace of Wands.

 

 

Thoughts and feelings underlying your attitudes: The Emperor.

 

 

How your attitude will evolve in the future: Seven of Cups.

 

 

How others perceive your attitude: Five of Cups reversed.

 

 

What you cannot confront: The Fool, reversed.

The Shadow Truth spread is meant to be helpful if you are in denial about something or doing something you are unaware of that is impeding you in pursuing a conscious goal. Remember, I did these on the Facade website and picked "Choose for Me" so these were all completely random.

The Ace of Wands and the Emperor are fine cards. They reflect an auspicious start to something, and a can-do attitude. However, the Seven of Cups indicates that you are looking at things unrealistically, and that some of the goals or desires you are comtemplating are castles in Spain.


Others definitely do perceive the situation as the Five of Cups reversed, since the couple in question has been back together for five years and things appear fine (as far as I know, anyway.) The Five of Cups right side up shows the person the reading is about brokenhearted over a death, a breakup, or some other sad ending or loss. Reversed, you've made up, or you've gotten over the loss and gone on your way.

What she cannot confront or doesn't know about: The Fool reversed.

The Fool is the first card in the tarot deck and depicts the soul starting out merrily on his journey on Earth. Right side up, the Fool is optimistic and light-hearted, courageous and full of anticipation. It encourages a happy and expansive attitude toward the journey ahead. Reversed, however ...


Reversed, the person taking the journey is doing something rash or unwise. They're making poor decisions, or they made a poor decision and they let an opportunity slip through their fingers. (If you've read anything else on this website, you know what opportunity that was!) It suggests unfinished business, or going through life as a child asking others to assume responsibility for you (something Chi often complained about.)

There are Cups in here so emotions and a relationship is suggested.     


Tarot Tutorial 2

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on December 4, 2020 at 10:05 PM

So, I started this post, and then my computer went wonky and it disappeared. Here goes again:


Reading Four: Me and Chi.

 

 

Two Paths spread, once again.

 

 

Outcome One: Temperance.

 

 

Outcome Two: Judgment, reversed.

 

 

Leading to Outcome One: Justice.

 

 

Leading to Outcome Two: Page of Pentacles.

 

 

The critical factor that decides what will come to pass: Three of Wands, reversed.


With this spread, there's something you need to know about the Three of Wands. Usually this card talks about travel; or about having a plan and moving forward to get started with it. It's usually a card that augurs success. Reversed, you are blocked in doing this or things are worse in some way. (Sounds like me and Chi, huh? Blocked FOREVER?)


However, because this card is about traveling and moving on, sometimes the reverse means you don't travel or move on ... which is why it's one of the few classic cards that can be read as, "The sudden return of an ex."


Which is why the two paths above are so funny. The Page of Pentacles is about working hard on something. Focus, hard work, and sticking to the task. It can also mean, "News." The Judgment card is about listening to your instincts and using good judgment. 

Therefore, in the event that I receive "News," and we decide to focus, work hard, and stick to the task ... we would end up exercising poor judgment. (Which our horoscopes heartily concur with. Even if I see the guy, I am definitely alone for the next few years. He isn't ready to leave yet.) 


On the second leg, the Justice card. Justice right side up often reflects a decision made in your favor or one you are happy with, such as a ruling in a court of law. It can mean a final balancing out of karma. Things go in your favor if you are honest and up front. In a relationship, you are being totally honest with your partner or owning your part in where the relationship is right now.  You are being called to account for your actions and will be judged accordingly. 


Interestingly enough, this leads to Temperance, which is just what it sounds like:  The Temperance card shows a person who isn't flying off the handle to do anything dumb. The card is about handling your affairs with balance and sense. The Temperance person takes a middle path and accomodates all perspectives.

Which is what I planned to do, based on the horoscopes, if this guy showed up. Not pursue the relationship at this time, throw this one back into the sea. He isn't going to be ready to think for himself for another few years yet. In another few years he gets some GREAT work transits that signify progress (if he will motherfucking USE them!) 

But that someday isn't today. 


Basically, this reading is saying that if we go for it now, that's poor judgment, because it isn't likely to work, whereas if we make the right decision, Temperance is where it will end up.

Interesting reading.  


Tarot Tutorial 1

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on November 29, 2020 at 11:20 PM
I think this will make the most sense if I work backwards.

Before I start this, let me say that tarot cards can be influenced by the
 person being read for ... especially if you're reading for yourself. 
Nonetheless, they can be informative just the same. 


So, here we go: The reading for the husband and wife:

Reading Five: Chi and Rory.

 

 

The Twisting Path spread. A Twisting Path is often used when you're trying to achieve a

goal and having trouble, and you are looking for advice. It shows you two decisions and pitfalls.

What's interesting about this reading is the "goal" at the end. The Five of Cups shows a person

contemplating a loss, brokenhearted, grieving about what might have been. I'm going to take this

as a warning rather than a "goal." Of course, if it's a totally nonworkable relationship, then that

could conceivably BE a goal ... but that sure ain't MY decision to make!

 

 

Decision One: Wheel of Fortune, reversed.

When you get this, you've got a delay or a setback. Okay.

But what does that have to do with a "decision?" The fabulous website https://teachmetarot.com/part-iii-major-arcana/lesson-5/the-wheel-of-fortune-x-upright/the-wheel-of-fortune-x-reversed/" target="_blank">Truly Teach Me Tarot tells us,"When the

Wheel of Fortune Reverses you must look to yourself and see if there have been any negative repetitive

patterns forming in your life. These problems or challenges may be returning to you over and over again in

order to give you the opportunity to resolve them. During this slow time in your life it may be worthwhile to

return to The Hermit to reflect on those things that no longer have any value or worth. Once you have identified

them you can set about making the necessary changes in order to be ready for when The Wheel begins to turn

once more and make its upward ascent. As The Wheel begins to slowly turn, you may realise that things you

have done in the past have caused the problems you now face. Remember though that when you reach the lowest

point on the wheel there is nowhere for it to go but up once more. Patience and understanding is required of you

now. Even though you may have missed out on an opportunity, remember that the Universe will always give you

a second chance."

 

 

Leading you astray from the outcome shown: Seven of Wands, reversed.

This is often called the "Oh, well, what's the use?" card.

 

 

Decision Two: King of Cups, reversed.

In tarot, the King of Cups is the King of Codependency. They could choose (once again) not to do the work,

and to stay codependent ... as all three of us undoubtably are..

 

 

Leading you astray from the outcome shown: King of Pentacles.

The King of Pentacles is a wonderful card. The King of Pentacles is a hard worker who gets things done. The

attitude is mature and capable. Often the card refers to financial capability, but basically this is a person who

leaves their family a good legacy in more than a financial sense of the word.

 

 

The Outcome (“one possible mask of your true destination"): Five of Cups.

Interesting, yes? A goal if someone has a King of Cups reversed attitude; a warning if what you want is

that King of Pentacles.


More coming ...


HOLY SHIT! (Or, Sometimes I Feel Like Jane Seymour in that Old James Bond Movie ...)

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on November 29, 2020 at 10:50 PM

Ohhhh-Kayyyyy ...

You'll notice I am posting this right after posting the last entry I made. The reason I'm doing this is: Just for fun after writing that, I went to my favorite online website and did a random series of tarot readings. 

If you know anything about tarot, these are going to be funny as HELL. (And a bit worrisome, to boot.) For those who don't know anything about tarot, I'm going to post the readings here and then the following posts will illustrate why I read tarot and astrology and how these readings really can help your ass out when you find yourself in a shit-uation-ship such as this one.



Reading One: Me.

A Two Paths spread.

 

Outcome One: Five of Swords

 

Outcome Two: Nine of Wands reversed.

 

Leading to Outcome One: The Devil.

 

Leading to Outcome Two: Ten of Wands reversed.

 

The critical factor that decides what will come to pass: Two of Wands reversed.


Reading Two: Chi.

A Cross and Triangle.

 

Prine energy in his life: Knight of Pentacles reversed.

 

Process of thought: Nine of Swords reversed.

 

Motivation: The Hermit reversed.

 

Emotions: Eight of Wands.

 

Position in life: Four of cups.

 

One of two opposing forces: Five of Cups reversed.

 

Second of two opposing forces: Three of Cups. (Hmm … I thought these were supposed to be OPPOSING forces!)

 

Resolving the conflict between the forces: Six of Cups.

 

Final outcome unless you change course: The Lovers, reversed.


 

 

Reading Three: Rory

 

A Shadow Truth spread.

 

Attitude you assume: Ace of Wands.

 

Thoughts and feelings underlying your attitudes: The Emperor.

 

How your attitude will evolve in the future: Seven of Cups.

 

How others perceive your attitude: Five of Cups reversed.

 

What you cannot confront: The Fool, reversed.


 

 

Reading Four: Me and Chi.

 

Two Paths spread, once again.

 

Outcome One: Temperance.

 

Outcome Two: Judgment, reversed.

 

Leading to Outcome One: Justice.

 

Leading to Outcome Two: Page of Pentacles.

 

The critical factor that decides what will come to pass: Three of Wands, reversed.


 

 

Reading Five: Chi and Rory.

 

The Twisting Path spread.

 

Decision One: Wheel of Fortune, reversed.

 

Leading you astray from the outcome shown: Seven of Wands, reversed.

 

Decision Two: King of Cups, reversed.

 

Leading you astray from the outcome shown: King of Pentacles.

 

The Outcome (“one possible mask of your true destination"): Five of Cups.

Transits ... transits ...

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on November 29, 2020 at 9:20 PM

So I keep reading about all the interesting things happening in the heavens right now. I am in the middle of a six-week basic astrology course, to help me identify the stuff I didn't run across as I have been mostly teaching myself. All that stuff you read about "Mercury retrograde," etc. is called "mundane astrology." Why? I don't know. It sure ain't reflecting anything mundane right now! It's very interesting as my teacher, a young astrologer (*Wow! Most practicing/teaching astrologers I know are older than dirt) named Nick Lasky, is very good at picking out the mundanes and pointing out how they reflect, say, this election craziness, for example.  


Astrologers have known Something Big was coming up for a few years now, they just didn't know what it was. Turns out it was covid 19. (THAT shit ain't mundane!)


Anyway, I saw a couple of articles up about a Jupiter/Saturn conjunction that is going on at the end of this month. Although, I look a little bit slanty-eyed at most of these kinds of writings (Come ON. The whole world is NOT going to meet someone new or have some kind of accident all at the same time ... in most cases!). I think what they describe is a LOT more likely if it hits something in YOUR chart. If you don't have anything there ... I don't know how much I'd worry about a lot of this fluff.


But in this case the articles were interesting, and I thought, I wonder if this is hitting anything in our charts? Turns out it is. I went, Nahhh. I'll maybe believe it if it's hitting something in the Davisons, too.


Turns out it is. The date is December 21 ... right about the time, as I've already noted, Mars will be making its final hit on The Yods and be buggin' out.


Of course, one must use some common sense. A person who's been gone for three years is likely to stay gone. I imagine those hits belong on the other time line--the one where I sunk my teeth in three years ago and didn't let go, and now we've been having an affair for three years and I'm insisting he go on and leave.


That didn't happen, so neither will this. If it happens I'll post what the transits are and how you could get an inkling something will happen, but if it doesn't, why bother?


In the words of Minnie Pearl,


"We're all through playing now!"



Putting Away Childish Things

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on November 25, 2020 at 10:15 PM

I woke up this morning with this one realization:


Everything I have ever wanted in life was a child's understanding of how to get a child's developmental needs met.


I was an unloved child, and I needed parents and family and friends to love me.


I couldn't get that. All I could get was a self-centered Poor-Baby-Me of a mother, a family overfocused on achievement, and kids at school screaming at me and throwing gum in my hair.


How does a six-year-old determine how to get people to stop doing those things, and love her?


Well, for one thing, parents and family are focused on Achievement, so I'd better pick that Achieving Career. Which I did.


Except it was a lot harder and not as fun as I'd thought. I'd entered professional school with no social antennae and not a lot of self-confidence, and past the level of high school teachers don't support you emotionally anymore. They just look at you with scorn when you don't have enough self-confidence and you don't know how to act.


Even when they know what the problem is, they don't help you. You're not their problem.


So, I'm failing, but I still need to achieve success In Order For Important People To Love Me. Hence, Plan Number Two: The Writer Fantasy.


I know! I'll write a bestseller and then they'll have to love me! They will be so proud.


A six-year-old does not stop to think that parents and family being proud of her and parents and family loving her are not the same thing.


(Really, you'd have to be a sophisticated kid to figure that out.)


Let's not forget, If I just figure out how to help Mommy feel better, then she will take care of me and give me what I need.


Well, sad to say, some people are never, ever, ever, ever going to get better, and there's simply nothing anyone can do.


A six-year-old can't accept that about her mother. A six-year-old can't accept that life is really that cold, cruel, and horrible. A six-year-old hears the Disney "When You Wish Upon a Star" song and really believes it ... that someday they will grow up and be able to make things work out better.


Because they wished hard enough. Or some such nonsense.


                   ***

It would appear that Chi is one of those people who is never, ever, ever, ever going to get better.

I'll never know, of course. It was most kind of him to come back three years ago, explain himself, and essentially say goodbye. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was what had happened. I didn't realize that for months afterward.


It's a shame, of course, because he has a good strong thread of transits, from about 2024 on, that reflect a good job healing and a much healthier personality. He had them before, too, from 2014 to around 2017. Like Rory and her marriage counseling transits, he didn't make use of those. Didn't make it that time around.


Of course, miracles can happen. There's lots of life left. Maybe they went back to marriage counseling and those healing transits will happen with Rory and not me. (Except ... I finally peeked. Her transits for the same years reflect a most dismal absence of same. Interesting.)


But that's not likely to happen. There's wayyy too much social pressure on the marriage for it to stay the same, and zero pressure on the two people within it to be brave, to do the extremely difficult work of facing themselves, their childhoods, and each other.


They're in their early and middle sixties. People this age get scared and set in their ways. Cognitive and physical decline will set in. If not now, then very soon, they will be too old to change.


Oh, well. Boo-b-b-boo-boo-hoo. We'll just have to sit here and be miserable now. It's all the other person's fault.


At least the children and the in-laws are happy.


I warned Chi about this. (And a fat lot of good it did, too.)


Oh, well.


It's not my problem any more. My problem is ending this habit of planning my life like a six-year-old. It's never done any good, and none of that stuff ever comes true, even when it looks like it should.


Instead of me and my husband being writers together, we got elder care and brain tumors and an early grave. Instead of going on to find success myself, I have a novel on Wattpad with only eight hits on it. All of them are mine.


Best Practices: To avoid disappointment, stop building huge castles in Spain and needing them to come true so you can be happy. Six-year-old thinking is best left behind in one's first decade.


Hanging onto it into one's fifth decade could well be cause for ceremonial disembowelment.


Going forward, if it's a six-year-old's answer for how to get a six-year-old's emotional needs met, it probably should not be used in setting an expected course for one's life.


Life really does come up roses for some people. But, Selena Quintanilla Perez, I am not.


And, come to think of it, she got shot to death.


Even the people such big dreams come true for pay a bigger price than we know. But, it's time to admit, I'm not the people.


And, really. I think I've already paid enough.


I need to just learn how to be happy going to my job, cleaning the house, and sitting on the couch enjoying the view outside and piddling around on the computer. That's the life I have, and that's the way it will be.


A friend posted on Facebook how her six-year-old is anxious to get a job. He thinks it will be some awesome experience. Others wrote in to commiserate how the kid is likely to be let down once the time gets here.


Someone posted that as a kid, they dreamed of slaying dragons; but no one told them life is just about washing the dishes.


Reasons not to let a six-year-old run your life.                                                                       


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