The Thinking Other Woman

Since you’re here:

You should be aware that I’ve constructed an internal working model of Rory based on three sources: What you’ve told me about her behavior; psychology sources that information led me to on alexithymia, emotional numbness, attachment theory, and childhood emotional neglect; and (no surprise) her natal chart.

If you do the right thing, they say, you are supposed to create good karma.

If you create good karma, things are supposed to get better.

You’re supposed to see that you were far better off without the guy. You’re supposed to have far more fulfilling experiences. You’re supposed to see how wrong t...

Hmm, turns out the birth time does affect transits to the Davison. At the other time I tested, the Davison still gets some mean hits, but not nearly as many or as bad. So, I could be wrong. Who knows? 

(I have the first child's birthdate and the wedding date. One day I should use these to rectify the birth chart. I wonder what time I would actually end up with?)

**OK, so that was what I finally sat down and did. I looked at...

Now you see how tarot can be useful. After a reading like that one, a history like this, and astrology like what I see in this situation: Even if the guy did turn up and things LOOKED and SOUNDED good, there is no way I'd bite. This reading is saying: Be warned. Don't get burned (again.)

Now, here's the really funny part: My reading, which I ...

Now we're getting into the nitty-gritty here ...

The Husband. My ex: Chi.

Reading Two: Chi.

A Cross and Triangle. (The Cross and Triangle spits out a few thoughts about something in your life and then tells you which way it's likely to go.)

I think this will make the most sense if I work backwards.

Before I start this, let me say that tarot cards can be influenced by the

 person being read for ... especially if you're reading for yourself. 

Ohhhh-Kayyyyy ...

You'll notice I am posting this right after posting the last entry I made. The reason I'm doing this is: Just for fun after writing that, I went to my favorite online website and did a random series of tarot readings. 

If you know anything about tarot, these are going to be funny as

I woke up this morning with this one realization:

Everything I have ever wanted in life was a child's understanding of how to get a child's developmental needs met.

I was an unloved child, and I needed parents and family and friends to love me.

...

I noticed something very interesting, looking at the good leg/bad leg transits for this relationship.

It may very well be that a good portion of the relationship transit legs actually go with the choice we had to end the marriage and be together back in 2016. Remember that there was a whole good leg where I was in a relationship and very happy. Then, if you will recall, it sort of ...

This is going to be challenging, going on alone. I remember this person every single hour. I can't erase him from my thoughts. A healthier person would have found someone else awayyyy back yonder and been married three or four years now, but not me. I liked this guy from the night I met him.

Twenty-two years is a long time. A shame it will amount to absolutely nothing, when it could have been so much more.


But I recognize here...

I was in so much better a mood when I started that last post. For a short moment, I could see my life as so much better than I've been seeing it, and I could feel happy. But, I had to be somewhere, and I had to stop writing, and I couldn't get back to it, and ...

I had to go back to work. And I was there all by myself. And it was like that for three days. And my days were d-r-a-i-n-i-n-g. And I dragged myself ho...

If you're going through any life crisis, I heartily recommend getting your hands on books and reading as much about the world as you can.

Not only does it matter to pick up anything you can about your specific issue/s (BPD? Codependent? Drug abuse? I don't care if it is depressing, you have an obligation to yourself to find out all about it you can), but reading true work about social issues can have unexpected benefits.

Me, myself, and I

That's all I've got in the end

That's what I found out

And there ain't no need to cry

Took a vow that from now on I'm gonna be my own best friend