The Thinking Other Woman

What you should know BEFORE your affair.
 

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2022--Or, You Will Feel Brilliant For Moments At A Time

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on August 11, 2021 at 1:40 PM
***Note: I had originally elected not to publish this for a while, if ever. But then
I realized the process of contemplation and the realizations it led me to are 
important even if the events alluded to never occur. If nothing else, the post is
a cogent example of how things like astrology and tarot, used correctly, can
aid personal growth. All that really matters is whether or not we heal from 
childhood, not whether or not a relationship happens or stays. Healing from 
childhood is all we're really here for.

So, I'm holding my breath, and I'm ... posting it anyway. If you think I'm an idiot, 
I'm fine with that.

Here goes ...

The Great Revelations of 2022

 

 

At the time I am writing this, it is 9:38 pm on August 9, 2021. I’m

not going to post this unless it actually happens. If I do and it

doesn’t … people will think I’m crazy.

 

Background: Once upon a time, when the married guy I thought I

was destined to be with forever dumped me, I was desperate to know

if I’d ever hear from him or see him again. Enter astrology.

 

 

The fact that many aspects in our charts predicted he’d be back in

October 2017—AND IT HAPPENED—intrigued me enough to start

studying the discipline. It turned out astrology had many accurate

things to say about all of our characters and why the affair had

happened to begin with.

 

 

I was sold. Hence, this website. You can see some of the other work I’ve

done. I do read for other people, but mostly, as you can see, for myself.


I think I am strangely gifted in that way. Most people who read things

like tarot cards and astrology report they can’t read well for themselves,

only for other people.

 

 

I think I read better for myself. Which is a good thing in this situation.

 

 

When I realized astrology wasn’t just crap, I saw a timeline of transits

beginning in 2018 that clearly traced the affair we could have had if I had

said yes when the guy came back in 2017 as predicted. It was a VERY sad

situation that showed me hideously, painfully DUMPED in 2020. I was

struggling to make him ready to leave, and he wasn’t ready to leave. I also

saw that if I allowed that affair to go forward, I would be greatly hindering

the personal growth of the guy, who, as a hideous, hideous codependent,

sorely needed some personal growth. That isn’t how you treat someone you

say you love.

 

I also did NOT like the transits I saw myself going through last year into

this year. Silly me. I thought if I just didn’t have the affair, I wouldn’t get

dumped, and then I wouldn’t suffer.

 

 

It didn’t matter. I suffered as much over the fact that he didn’t come back

after we said goodbye as I would have over any continuation of an affair.

 

 

Okay, I guess not having the affair mitigated it somewhat, but it was still

so-depressed-I-can’t-even-get-off-the-couch bad. Throw in a running

injury that refused to heal and throwing my back out, and I was pretty

much immobile last fall into this past spring.

 

I thought I could escape. Ha … ha … ha.

 

 

Ahead there was always the specter that things could change. After 2023,

there are a lot of transits reflecting a huge change in their relationship.

Specifically … it breaks up. One party is left reeling, stunned, struggling

to understand what happened. (As if he hasn’t been struggling to reach

that woman for decades.) She has a few little whispers about a good

relationship … but they’re greatly overwhelmed by the sheer number

of bad-relationship transits, and the farther toward 2030 you go … the

fewer and fewer of them there are. The other party is in a second

relationship, where he either makes great strides, recovering from

codependency and reaching satisfaction and happiness before he

dies; or not recovering and the second relationship is just as bad as the first.

 

(I will say here that my observation is that, when a good relationship starts,

your transits will tell you about it. If you’re having relationship problems,

your transits will tell you about it. But, in my experience, when my

marriage was going well, I didn’t constantly get transits talking about what

a great relationship I was having. My transits concentrated on the areas of

my life that were giving me problems, instead. So, it’s entirely possible that

their marriage turned a corner and will stay good, and the transits just

don’t feel the need to remark on it over and over into the 2030’s. Transits,

it seems, are for guidance, and you generally don’t need guidance with the

things that are going well. However, in this case I don’t believe the happy

relationship transits, and I’ll tell you why in a minute.)

 

Tell you what … these are some Big Reasons for me to do my goddamned

work and recover as much as I am able. Sick people hold each other down

and keep each other sick. I intend to get well, and kick the ASS of anyone

I’m with I notice unhealthy behavior in.

 

But … where did this 2024 relationship start? (Or, restart?) That was

murky and hard to see. Were all of these transits holdovers from where

we could have gotten together in 2015 or 2017 … or were these transits

reflecting something current??

 

 

When I initially did this work, I didn’t know any astrology at all. All I really

knew how to do was buy computerized reports by people known to be

reputable, and use what I knew about relationships and psychology to look

for patterns. To save money, I went from the 2010’s to the 2040’s, buying

reports every three years.

 

I skipped 2022.

 

 

Since 2022 is right around the corner, just now I went ahead and looked.

 

 

What I see is fascinating.

 

 

The wife’s transits reveal a dramatic split next year. On the one hand, she

has very rewarding relationships, a lovely time in whatever career or

vocation she’s currently pursuing, and a great family life.

 

 

On the other hand …

 

 

Oh, dear.

 

 

I’m seeing things like: “Unwelcome maturation—seeking unhealthy fusion

in a relationship and suffering a powerful loss. Unhealthy things in the

psyche coming home to roost. Sudden unexpected events disrupt security.

Consequences of past choices. Unrealistic/blind to own behavior. Broken

dreams—forced to get real. Uncomfortable with change. Upheaval—hurled

into the unknown. Need to heal old wounds.” And this stuff greatly

outnumbers the goody-goody-good stuff.

 

Doesn’t sound like fun, does it?

 

 

WHAT THE FUCK???

 

 

And, WHICH IS IT?

 

Here’s the thing:

 

 

HE’S ALREADY TOLD ME.


And here's how I know:

 

When a bad marriage turns good, any affair partner becomes Public Enemy

Number One. The marriage partners close ranks. The Other Person is

persona non grata. The cheating party becomes accountable, doing anything

to reassure the spouse he/she is no longer cheating. The marriage is front,

center, and sacred, and the formerly cheating party is full of regret, only

has eyes for the spouse, and doesn’t want a thing to do with other people

ever again. However ...

 

Turning a bad marriage good takes several years in counseling. Several

tough, tough years of hard, hard work. Especially when there’s an affair

involved.

 

 

That work was supposed to start in 2016 … when Someone We Know

had excellent emotional work transits, yet decided to act like she really

didn’t want to be there.

 

 

Especially with the childhood emotional neglect these two had as kids,

that marriage would have taken all these years of work to start turning

really good again next year. And the reason I understand this is what it

takes is through Jonice’s Webb’s excellent books, and a few other

therapists', as well. (Maybe if they’d had a therapist trained in CEN,

this would have all been different.)

 

BUT: What’s actually been going on?

 

 

2017: He comes back and tells me how the therapy actually went. 2019,

every once in a while he pops up online.

 

 

In spring 2019, once I had started to give up on him, I felt a fervent wish

that I could know he had no hard feelings. Two days later, I’m bored in the

middle of an online astrology class and I post something on Facebook. I’m

sitting there staring at the screen and his name pops up. He likes what I’ve

posted. Then, five minutes later, he takes it down.

 

 

Not the kind of thing you do if you’ve reconciled with your wife. If you've

reconciled with your wife, you're not looking at your affair partner's facebook

page.

 

 

Then I figure out how to work Google Analytics, and I discover that he’s

reading all my blogs. I post him something and he disappears. But, he claps

for something I’ve written on Medium last August. And this was blatantly

obvious, because there was NO way of mistaking his Medium profile.

 

 

Months go by … then I realize SOMEone’s reading all my blogs again, from

November of last year to February of this year, from a mobile phone in

different locations so I can’t track where he’s logging in from and figure him

out by location. But the pattern of going directly to the blogs every two or

three days is the same. He’s staying only a few minutes each time … but

he’s going there sometimes twice a day, even on Christmas.

 

 

I post him something and he scats again.

 

Really, there’s only one person this could be.

 

 

This is NOT the behavior of someone who’s happy at home. And it goes all

the way through from 2017 to last February. When the resurrection of a

marriage and the repair of a relationship would have taken all the

dedication and all the focus all that time. Especially if things were getting

better. And 2022, according to their transits, was supposed to be the big,

breakthrough, “Whew! Everything’s okay now!” year. I could have

(and before this, did) interpret their other good transits as meaning

healing could still occur last year, two years from now, on into the future,

but now I see this big peak. Surrounded by the dung they will fall into if

they didn’t ascend that peak.

 

I also see that someone’s gone DIRECTLY to the two messages I left him

on this blog twice this spring and summer. Who the fuck else would know

these are even there? This person goes directly to one—not to the main blog

page and then to it, but directly to one—then directly to the other, then

directly to the first one again, and exits after two minutes or so. Once from

Maplewood, New Jersey, and once from Birmingham, Alabama.

 

I can see the Maplewood one, because I know they have family there. The

Birmingham one? I can only guess. I can see one good reason for this person

to visit Alabama, but that reason is in Mobile, not Birmingham. I can find

no evidence that he’s been there, however. If the client ID numbers were the

same I would know it’s the same device, but they’re not. I do suppose it’s

possible for a person to get a new phone. But, Birmingham, AL??? Yet, who

the fuck else would know exactly where these posts are and visit them like

that, in that order, and not read anything else?? Looking them up directly,

and never coming back?? Whether these last two suspicious visitors were

him or not, however,

 

He’s been telling me the whole time that things were NOT getting better.

 

 

I just didn’t understand what was going on, and I kept expecting him to

speak and getting more and more upset that he wasn’t, even when I posted

him something.

 

 

Now we have this huge SPLIT in her transits. Anyone care to guess which

leg she’s on??

 

There are splits in our transits, too. Not as obvious, but they’re there.

 

 

Basically, something is going on that we’re either handling well, or handling

poorly.

 

 

On the Handling Poorly column, him:

 

 

“Insecure about your right to be loved as an individual. Friction with

family/played old roles so long you have to help them understand you are

changing. Need to learn to be healthily self-centered. Scary time/vulnerable

to criticism. You see where you’re restricted and need change. Bitter about

the past.” Oh, and several transits are screaming, “You need to

heal/supposed to heal/Heal, or you will do this again in another relationship.”

 

On the Handling Well column, him:

 

 

“A break from the past. Accepting your own and other people’s limits with

more objectivity and less drama. Ready to shed old masks and patterns,

Feb 2022-Nov 2025. 2021-2024, struggling to survive and change direction.”

 

On the Handling Poorly column, me:

 

 

“Confusing communication. Your concepts of love don’t fit your needs/you

want things you shouldn’t. Can make a wrong decision. A sad relationship

conflict/expecting too much from self and others. A child dragged from the

womb/feels hopeless and horrible. Closing a cycle—leaving behind fantasy

world aspects of relationships. Some battleground where you have to let go

of control. Wounded and bitter about relationships. Passive and don’t want

to do anything. Angry and bitter about a loss. Angry about limits. Changing

philosophy to find meaning in suffering.”

 

 

On the Handling Well column, me:

 

 

All the good “new professional opportunity” stuff is over here. AND:

“Could have new relationship that helps you understand love. DO NOT

IDEALIZE IT. Faith in life. Possible new relationship in the end of 2021

that could be unstable. 2021-2025 An overidealized relationship leaves,

but if it’s fundamentally a healthy one it can make it.”

 

Oh, and I forget to mention …

 

 

On his healthy leg, same dates: “Could establish a good, supportive,

consciousness-raising relationship.”

 

HERE’S the beginning of the 2023 and forward stuff I couldn’t find the

beginning of.

 

Now, look at all those good-relationship transits his wife has. How do I

know these aren’t with her?

 

Because he’s been telling me all along, that’s how.

 

 

AND THAT IS ALL THOSE LITTLE "VISITS" WERE FOR.

 

I just didn’t know that, because …

 

(And here’s where other card readings I’ve been getting lately are

REALLLLY becoming useful!)

 

For the past … well, my entire LIFE, actually … this has been me:

 

 

When a child is little and unable to see the world accurately/care for

itself/understand and regulate its own emotions, a loving parent is

supposed to be there to externally “make the child’s world right.”

While we learn to orient ourselves and feel like the world is okay

even as tough things happen, the parents are supposed to be the

cheerleaders in our corner, letting us know we are good enough

to be loved, modeling appropriate behavior, always there to support

and help. Always there to pick us back up again. That way, when

we’re older, we’ve learned how to pick ourselves up, and that we’re

good enough people that we should.

 

 

NONE OF THE THREE OF US HAD THAT.

 

 

So WE’RE ALL THREE DOING THE SAME THING:


Looking for our relationship partner to give unconditionally to us the

way our parents were supposed to, with no needs of their own. Looking

to our relationship partner to make our emotional world right, so we can

grow up the way we needed to grow up when we were little.

 

Only, um … we’ve missed that boat. I’m 53 and he’s going to be 63. It’s a

little late for mommy and daddy to be able to do anything to emotionally

coddle us and baby us into growing up. We have to grow up ourselves.

 

THIS is why all my card readings lately have been saying things like:

“You keep having this attitude that you’re living in the future waiting

for this person to come back and make your life better, going, ‘When

this person comes back, life will be so good and THEN I can be happy.’

And that’s an unhealthy attitude because it makes this person feel

responsible for your happiness and it’s too much for him to live up to.

Especially since he feels not-good-enough for you to begin with. You

need to fix this in you if he’s ever going to come back, because it’s too

much for him to deal with (actually, it’s too much for anyone to deal

with.) And you need to fix this if he doesn’t come back, because you’re

going to need to find the capacity for happiness on your own.”

 

 

This past March, I used my own deck and did my own reading for the

next year, and repeated the same for him and her. These all reflected

SOMETHING happening this fall and me being VERY unhappy after

that, with perhaps something else cropping up next spring/summer that

felt better. But I’m miserable in between, and this is why: I believe I’ll

never be happy without him, because I, like his wife, am like a little child

mentally picturing this and that way he’s going to do this and that to

make me “feel right.” And I’m just hanging all happiness on HIM. I

repeated this spread twice more over the summer with the last reading

two days ago, and the only thing that really shifts is it gets closer and closer.

 

 

THIS IS WHY.

 

 

I’m overidealizing what a life with him would actually be like, making it

the environment I needed when I was, like, two, and when he shows up,

“visits” me online, and won’t talk, and especially now that he’s staying

off my website and I haven’t seen any hard evidence that he’s around at

all for the past six months, I think he’s forgotten all about me and I’m

distraught. Because I’m picturing life with him as SO much better than

anything I could have on my own.


(And, in fairness, when your husband dies and all your writing falls so

completely flat you think you’re a failure, you’re injured and you can’t do

anything but lie on the couch and there’s a pandemic so you can’t go

anywhere anyway, it’s easy to do that.)

 

 

And I only got pieces of this mosaic without the current card readings and

the ‘22’s.

 

 

Oh, and the explanation of “divine timing?” When you are ready.

 

 

Which you’re not, if you’re still picturing your own life as a desert

wasteland and yourself as a tiny child who needs a parent figure to

make her feel okay all the time. Which was why I felt so desperately

lonely after being widowed and the Universe deliberately foiled all

attempts at finding other people. I wasn’t supposed to find any other

people because this needed working out, and if I found other people

I would just sink right back into this approach to life again and I

wouldn’t learn or heal anything.

 

(Reasons I have Saturn in the eighth house negatively aspecting

EVERYTHING: A huge transformation in my life I’m very restricted

and having horrible difficulty making, which delays everything until

I get it done.)

 

 

Oy.

 

Now I have the ‘22’s and everything falls into place. He wasn’t supposed

to be back any sooner than this. The affair transits from 2018-2020 went

with what happened when I could have said yes in October 2017 and

didn’t. Now I’m seeing, Here’s where the healthy relationship could

happen if it’s going to, and here’s what you’re doing that’s going to

destroy it and here’s why. I’m hearing that somebody’s going to show

up in the next few months and that could possibly work out … if I’m

not doing this “baby-me” bullshit I so despised in my mother when I

was growing up and in the wife now.

 

I’m also hearing that if I shift my attitude, it’s going to help him shift his

attitude. If I don’t shift my attitude, I’m pushing the whole thing towards

desperately unhealthy.

 

 

I tend to believe all of this, and at least that it was the original plan,

because the other things I’m hearing about this time in my life are true.

Such as, I’m getting a good long rest—and I have been resting a lot,

when I’m not at work—and that I’m bathing in water a lot and water

will help my spirit. It’s summer and the pool is open. We have a

beautiful pool here, overlooking a creek and surrounded by woods, and

if the pool is open, it’s not raining, and I’m not at work, that’s where I

am. I try to work up to swimming 50 laps around it every summer. After

the past year of injuries and immobility, I think it’s the best way to work

back up to exercise. And swimming around that pool, especially in the

late afternoon when the sun moves around and makes the tree leaves glow

like emeralds, always lifts my spirits. Also that this was a “necessary

depression” and that now I am at the end of a big cycle in my life.


(Thank God, because this was HORRIBLE.)

 

 

Other things are a bit more difficult to believe, given the lack of visible

evidence. Such as the “news” that this person realizes he’s made a mistake

and wants to speak to me, but keeps talking himself out of it due to fear

of rejection/fear of not being good enough. Those are hard to believe, given

that he’s not even hanging around on my website anymore that I can prove

beyond reasonable doubt … but, with this astrology, they’re not impossible.

 

Again, this doesn’t HAVE to happen. It’s entirely possible that something’s

changed over there such that this “appointment” we had isn’t kept. In this

eventuality, the relationship really is over. We’re into the point in time

where it could have gotten healthy and worked. If he doesn’t show up,

the soul contract is over. It’s time to stop putting all my visualizations of

ever being happy into the box marked “relationship.” Things turned

around with writing. I can just forget this guy and move on and let life be

whatever it is it’s going to be.

 

 

If I don’t do that, I trash anything that could happen and that is very, very

dangerous. Because that leg where he leaves her, we get back together, and

it goes unhealthy is there, and it ends very, very badly.

 

 

Basically, the universe has been waiting for the signal from me that I am

able to make this turn. So I’d better fucking make this turn, or I trash my

own life. And let me tell you, the “You’ve trashed your own life” transits

I get in my seventies?? They’re BAD. BAD, BAD, BAD.

 

She gets them in her middle seventies and they are unrelieved by any ray

of light. He gets them in his early 80’s and they sound so bad I wonder if

he’s got Alzheimer’s.

 

 

WE HAVE THE CHOICE NOW NOT TO MAKE OURSELVES

THIS MISERABLE.

 

 

And it’s time to get on the fucking stick.

Categories: Astrology, What About Tarot Cards?, Life Lessons