The Thinking Other Woman

What you should know BEFORE your affair.
 

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DON'T BE STUPID: What I'm Given To Understand Now

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on October 30, 2021 at 5:25 PM
So in the wake of interesting occurrences this month--when Mercury, Mars, and the Sun all
 hovered over his Venus conjunct North Node--I'm getting some interesting card readings.
(I don't think I have to worry about him stopping by and reading this. He doesn't
believe in astrology or tarot and he never seems to read posts like this.)

Basically, I'm hearing:
  • A connection that's only in the 5D right now is going to be brought into the 3D.
  • What happens will be something I do not expect.
  • I'm just supposed to accept this and go on.
  • What happens is meant to teach me about unconditional love. (Thanks to Eso Tarot)
  • This person isn't sure what he wants and is trying to reconnoiter and get to know me again.
  • He doesn't want to talk about the past yet and is going to act as if it didn't happen.
  • Just roll with it and don't worry about it or force it. (Thanks to Honest Love Tarot)

After a couple of days of thought, I can totally understand why this is. (More on that in a few.) BUT: Even if I do totally understand why this is ... DO I REALLY BELIEVE THIS?

I have to say: No.

I mean, really. Why would I?

Look at this guy's track record. It's piss poor as far as any contact with me, even though I've documented
him lurking around four times that I can prove without a shadow of doubt are him, and many
more that have to be him, because who else would do this?

He never speaks. He's made clear that he intends to stay married. And even if he really is as miserable
as I suspect one would have to be to behave like this, in the courage department, this guy is sorely
lacking.

Is he going to suddenly come out of hiding just because Mercury went retrograde and all these planets
happened to hover around Venus/North Node/Sun/Neptune right about now?

I look at how he's behaved and say no. Even though his transits say yes.


All The Same, What Can I Learn From This?

I can see that I've made a fundamental error in my thinking ... for the past TWENTY-THREE YEARS.

Ever since I first noticed this guy and discovered he was unhappy in his marriage, I've had this
immutable mindset that I'm the right one, that he would be happier with me, and--like all of us--
I've presumed that if somebody else would just do things my way, everything would be fine.

This isn't the right way to do this.

Now, in an instance where, say, a malignant narcissist got elected president and then tried to engineer
a coup, it's reasonable to assume that if others would only vote the way I do, things would be much
better.

(I mean ... Duh!)

But this guy is a hideous codependent. What have I been saying for six years now? That he needs to
grow up enough to be able to think and do for himself.

My error is that I think I know what that is or should be.

I can be forgiven for that, in part. He certainly did give a good impression six years ago of someone who
believed all of this as much as I did.

But, Don't Forget ...

He's hideously codependent. He takes on the feelings and thoughts of everyone else as his own. And
he's very, very impressionable.

So who fucking knows if what he would think was really best for him, should he become able to think
in those terms, would actually tally with that or not???

The problem heretofore was that I was concocting needy fantasies in my own little not-grown-up
child's mind, and I did not see this.

Here I was still thinking for him, while I condemn his wife and kids and friends and all his family
for this Same. Damn. Thing.

To be sure, this person DOES invite that.

But who the fuck cares what his codependent behavior and thinking invite???

I've studied this long enough to know what the correct thing is, therefore, even though another
person isn't well enough to protect himself, it's on ME to do that correct thing.

Who the fuck cares what I wanted??? Especially since I only wanted it for childish, little-girl reasons
anyhow. If you really love someone else, you don't do that by telling them what to do. I've erased a lot of old
FB posts for that reason. Secondly ...

Say we really did see one another again. WHO could blame this person for just wanting to get to know
me in somewhat of a normal fashion? Nothing about that was "normal" six years ago. And, it's been
six years for fuck's sake.

I was pretty damned domineering last time. I would be scared of that if I were him (and HLT does imply
that's the case.) If that's so, that's him being smart.

And, truth to tell, I would want to do the same. I've just described a very dangerous pattern of
behavior on his part. If it were to continue, I could be led down all fucking kinds of garden paths by
this guy and have no fucking CLUE it wasn't really him telling me what he wanted, it was just him
acting and pretending to please me, and then resenting me in secret because I couldn't motherfucking tell
the difference!!

Clearly, this life-destroying scenario should not be allowed to happen. And I deserve some
reconnaisance time to ascertain if this dangerous pattern of behavior is still in operation or not. (And
I want that time, too!!)

Lastly, I'm a whole different person now than I was six years ago. A LOT of change has taken place.
Not only have I had to do a shit-ton of healing, but we aren't even in the same life stages anymore.

At forty-six, I could still, emotionally as well as physically, be called young. And he was in hearty
middle age. Now, I'm in a decrepit middle age, and he's an old man.

None of the plans we were talking about seem realistic anymore. We've been forced to be realistic about
what being together would do to his social and family life, and we're old people now. We're long past
that time in life when rosy visions of buying a house and starting a life together are appropriate.

At our ages, what's next other than the nursing home?? And, if you're just going to sit beside an
old lady in the nursing home, it might as well be the wife you've been married to for forty years. When
you're too old to even walk by yourself anymore and half your mind is gone, what's the difference?

At least the kids will be happy. They're the ones who are going to be in charge, anyway. So, we've learned a lot of lessons through this, and this is what is meant by "spiritual growth." I just wish it didn't have to be so damned sad and painful all the time. By the time you've grown, all
possibilities for happiness are gone, and you're just left to endure a life of miserable and painful
old age ... when all your life before that was miserable and painful anyway. Why does life have to be so shitty all the time? Fifty-three years here, and most of them
have been shit. And what do I have to look forward to? More shit. I hope there's a reward for all this "spiritual growth" somewhere.

'Cause, you know? Fuck this. 11/1/21 ADDENDUM: Hm, maybe he really will read this. Someone from a certain 'ville to the north came directly to this
page today, and then, of course, split again in nothing flat. He must have retired. I don't see what else he would be doing logging in from home in the middle
of the afternoon on a Monday.

*waves*

Hi.

If this is you, please know I didn't write all that because I don't love
you. It's because I do love you and I want to treat you well. I know that doesn't matter, because
you will never leave, but it's still on me to change how I love and to do that as humanely and maturely
as possible.

Of course, self-love would involve giving the fuck up on you, since you visit but never
speak. Again.

Looks like you're retired, or perhaps working from home. I hope that's working out
okay. Take care of yourself.

Categories: Astrology, What About Tarot Cards?, Post-Mortem, Now That It's All Over