The Thinking Other Woman

What you should know BEFORE your affair.

Now Let's Test Out #4 ...

"4.) Anything attached in a stressful aspect to the apex of the yod is commenting on how the problem came to be in the first place. (This is what I haven’t seen anyone write yet, but it appears to me to be the case.) 4a.) If you're having trouble figuring this out in a chart, look up where Chiron is by house and sign. Many times it will clarify things a lot."

Unlike Chi, Rory has several squares connected to the apex of her yod, same as I do. Let's look at that chart one more time ...

And I thought I had it bad. The apex of Rory's yod, her Midheaven (which, don't forget, sits right on Chi's DC) has all of five squares--the red lines connecting it to things in the chart. To be fair, she does have some blue lines (helpful aspects), too, but let's look at these five squares. Do they tell us anything about how this yod--Rory's need to control due to childhood trauma adversely affecting her marriage--came about?

1.) If you look closely, you will see red lines from the Midheaven to two little symbols, one of which looks a little like Leo right side up, and the other looks like Leo upside down. These are the Nodes of the Moon. The right-side-up symbol is the North Node and the upside-down one is the South Node. Without going into what these nodes actually are in the sky, let it suffice it to say that your South Node represents what's already familiar to you. You've already experienced it in this life, or, if you believe in such things, in your previous life. Your North Node is a new and unfamiliar skill you mean to master in this life.

So we'd need to look up what the North and South Node in Houses 6 and 12 mean. I've already told you the north one-- better functioning in daily life in some respect. Why is this necessary? Let's ask the South Node!

Pisces is ruled by Neptune, and we've talked a lot about the bad aspects of Neptune already. Neptune is very creative, but it's also letting us know someone may be dreaming impossible dreams of womblike fusion with another person, a higher power, or perhaps drugs or alcohol, probably because of childhood trauma making us long for the perfect maternal embrace, love, and care we didn't get to have when we were so little we really needed it. Seems like this axis is sort of telling Rory to wake up and get practical about what she's really doing with this wish for a perfect parent rather than another adult peer in relationship. Basically, the individual needs to concentrate less on her dreamy inner world and more on building harmonious relations outside of her inner world.

Her Midheaven is square both of these, indicating a drag of some sort. I would say here that the childhood wounding and longing for fusion with a divine surrogate parent is putting a drag on her marriage--oh, look! A repeating theme! When we see those in a chart, look out--especially when they're talking about trouble. And … could it be? Her marriage is putting some kind of drag on her ability to do better with this? Could be because codependent Chi can't stand up for himself; a healthier person wouldn't stand for the way she treats him and would have insisted on better behavior long before now. Things always go her way. All she has to do is snarl, or talk badly about Chi to other people, and he's cowed right back into submission again.

Ugh. Not good. But all of this describes more the current state of affairs than how they came about, so I can't say these squares satisfy Proposition #4.

Hmm. Three squares to go. 

Let's look at this Moon square. Gemini, House 12. A person with a House 12 Moon is said to be very sensitive and easily hurt, a person who keeps their emotions hidden away. (Anything in House 12 tends to be hidden from view, which is why my House 12 Venus tends to be associated with secret love affairs. Venus also rules artistic talent, which has been hidden away in my life and very hard for me to access.) This person may block awareness of her own feelings (which I see confirmed by everything I've read about the classic runner/chaser relationship.) The Twelfth House Moon is often associated with a parent who was hidden in some way, emotionally unavailable, or passed away early in the child's life. Mom especially may have been sick or narcissistic, so the child wasn't  nurtured, had to nurture Mom, and feels needy. The child feels vulnerable and scared and locks emotions out of awareness so they aren't vulnerable.

Seems plausible that these factors in the background could drag down good functioning in a marriage, right? So this square to the tip of the yod does explain how the yod came to be.

There's a Mercury square there. Oh, my gosh. Mercury, the planet of communication, hidden away guess where? This tells us a person can't communicate or express their thoughts. Chi complained and complained about this. It's why he found me attractive. House 12 is often called the House of Self-Undoing. (You think?)

A House 12 Mercury person feels inferior mentally, and this is one of the reasons they can't communicate. As a child they may have been bullied and told to shut up often, to the point where they feared speaking up at all. Often this aspect is associated with having a lot of friends and helping other people feel comfortable talking, but the person can't talk themselves. The person spends a lot of time off by themselves, in their own little dream world.

Mars is also seen in House 12, in the sign of Cancer, squaring the Midheaven. Since Mars is associated with assertiveness, aggression, and sex, these things all become hidden in the 12. Astrologers write a lot of different things about Mars in House 12. Some of these repeat the theme of having been bullied as a child and being afraid to express oneself. A person would rather support others in their endeavors than stick their neck out and risk making a mistake. Some write that the person is afraid of showing anger; some write that the person suppresses anger and then has violent eruptions of temper in which they don't mean to hurt another person but often do. An almost psychic ability to read other people is frequently mentioned, with perhaps an interest in occult studies or some learning that takes place quietly alone.

Most of this tallies with what I've been given to understand about this individual. So, 4a.) What does Chiron have to contribute to all this? Our little not-ok sign appears here in House 7, the house of close partnerships, which, as we've seen, can and here certainly does denote having an extremely wounded marriage partner. It also reflects--duh! Childhood emotional wounding in the area of close partnership generally means that parental relationships didn't go very well, and the person distrusts emotional closeness in the future. Think about that one; if you'd been bullied, you might pick out a severe codependent who will let you walk all over him, determined never to be bullied again, right? Only when you hide your emotions and don't communicate in that relationship, a love-starved codependent is likely to feel very lonely and unloved, and hence worthless, since he grew up feeling that way anyhow. 

Certainly seems to be the situation described by this set of yods.

Believe it or not, relationships themselves can have their own yods. Coming soon ... MORE STUFF THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND. ('Cause you know I had to take a sneak peek ...)